Ratchet & Clank needs major overhaul

Films based on video games have had a few box-office hits in the last 20 or so years, but not a single critical success (defined as having more than 50 percent positive reviews compiled by Rotten Tomatoes.) The computer-animated Ratchet & Clank, based on an updated and newly released version of a 2002 video game by the same name, is certain to keep the dud streak alive.

Knocking around in a spacecraft repair shop out in the boondocks of a non-descript planet, Ratchet (voiced by James Arnold Taylor), the last Lombax (a cat-faced biped), daydreams of action and adventure. A pint-sized droid named Clank (David Kaye) crash lands outside Ratchet’s garage and in his C-3PO-like voice warns Ratchet of a coming warbot invasion led by the territory-gobbling, pinstripe-suited Chairman Drek (Paul Giamatti).

Ratchet’s heroism during the attack thrusts him into the public eye, forcing the attention-grubbing leader of the Galactic Rangers, Captain Qwark (Jim Ward), to add Ratchet to his prestigious crew of planetary guardians. Qwark—a green-masked Buzz Lightyear doppelganger with twice the chin but half the brain—sulks over his ouster from the spotlight. Seeing an opportunity to accelerate the pace of his planet-destroying tear, the villain Drek talks the vain, gullible Qwark into betraying his Galactic Ranger friends.

“You’re the victim,” Drek drips. “In six months … you’ll be Captain Qwark the survivor.”

Qwark’s treachery leads not only to the destruction of another planet but also of Ratchet’s self-esteem and veneration for Qwark.

“I wanted to matter,” Ratchet laments to his mentor, Grim (John Goodman.)

“To be a hero,” Grim responds, “you don’t have to do big things, just the right ones.” Will Ratchet find the strength in himself to lead the Rangers? Will Qwark see the error of his ways?

Fans of the PlayStation game and young children who absorb nothing more from the big screen than flash and bang might be able to sit through the film. But anyone else will be aching for the credits to roll. Apart from a few countercultural jabs and commendable life lessons, Ratchet & Clank (rated PG for action and some rude humor) bores in every scene. The characters lack all degree of charm, and the insipid dialogue and dopey one-liners will make many viewers question how the screenplay made it past studio executives’ scrutiny.