Minions suffers without Gru

Universal Pictures executives would do well to reconsider this time-proven advice: “Dance with the one who brung ya.” Lacking a charismatic lead character like Despicable Me’s Gru, the much-anticipated Minions waltzes stiffly across the screen.

The tribe of short, yellow creatures has one purpose, “to serve the most despicable master they can find,” the film’s narrator tells the audience. Minions opens with a brief history—the best part of the film—of their former bosses: a T. Rex, a caveman, a pharaoh, Dracula, and Napoleon. The evidently immortal Minions then experience a drought of leadership lasting until 1968, when the tribe designates three of its members—Stuart, Kevin, and Bob—to find a suitably evil replacement.

At the International Villain-Con Convention in Orlando, the trio browses lousy scoundrels. Scarlet Overkill (voiced by Sandra Bullock)—a young Cruella de Vil garbed in a crimson, rocket engine-concealing evening gown—sweeps Stuart, Kevin, and Bob off their tiny, black-shoed feet. With help from her husband Herb (Jon Hamm) and half-sized henchmen, Scarlet steals St. Edward’s crown. But at the coronation ceremony, Stuart, Kevin, and Bob accidentally crush Scarlet under chandeliers, preventing her from assuming the throne. She turns her wrath on the Minions.

Gru’s transformation was the heart of the superb Despicable Me, for which Minions (rated PG for action and rude humor) serves as a prequel. Despicable Me fans relished watching three little girls win over the world’s greatest supervillain, as he in turn learned to love someone other than himself. Initially with great difficulty, Gru graciously overlooked the girls’ frailties and blunders. He discovered the joy of parenting.

Not Scarlet, who sees only treachery in innocent mistakes. The adoration and companionship of three Minions does not move her. And she doesn’t move the Minions audience. Once Scarlet arrives on the screen, the laughter dies down. Her tempestuous demeanor, with little humor to balance it, silenced the opening-night crowd I was a part of.

A hard rock ’60s soundtrack paces Minions, but it’s no fun to dance with Scarlet. Her iciness is tiresome—and perplexing. Why must an ambitious, intelligent woman also be nasty? Must a heroine necessarily sacrifice nurture for power? Scarlet is just a “cartoon” character, operating in a milieu of extraordinary, computer-graphics animation, but her one-dimensional personality makes Minions a flat-footed trip.