Heaven knows

Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven? The concept of time there must be quite different from what it is here. Assuming the hymn “Amazing Grace” points to chronological truth, even after 100 centuries, “we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise than when we’ve first begun.” But if the date March 13, 2025, means anything in paradise, then my daughter must’ve had a terrific 30th birthday.

Katherine Lee Eicher didn’t see her first birthday, but the nearly four months she did live changed our lives—for the better. When God knit Katherine together, He added an extra chromosome. This is Trisomy 18, a genetic anomaly.

Quick biology lesson, per the Cleveland Clinic: Humans typically have 23 pairs of chromosomes, 46 in total—22 pairs of numbered chromosomes and one pair of sex chromosomes, X and Y, receiving one from each parent to form the pair. Rare errors can occur during cell division, resulting in a third chromosome attaching to a pair—trisomy. In Trisomy 18, the extra attaches to the 18th pair. The results include serious health problems and often a shorter lifespan. But lifespans have fluctuated quite a bit over the history of ­mankind, so why quibble this side of eternity?

Still, three decades after Katherine’s life and death, I have this internal debate every time someone asks, “How many kids do you have?” If there’s space for more than a quick answer—if there’s time to talk about hope, sorrow, and the dignity of life—then I’ll count to five. I’ll tell Katherine’s story.

These conversations are my pro-life witness, especially when news cycles bring forward stories like that of Kate Cox, the Texas mom presented as a victim of Republican cruelty because her home state recognized the rights of her Trisomy 18 child. A Texas Tribune article covering Cox’s selection as first lady Jill Biden’s guest at the 2024 State of the Union repeatedly called her baby “nonviable,” piling on phrases like “fetus would not survive after birth” and “lethal fetal diagnosis.” Mainstream media employ this dismissive, misleading language, and it pushes grieving, frightened parents toward hopelessness rather than clarity and truth.

Beverly Jacobson, whose ninth child Verity also has Trisomy 18, leads Mama Bear Care, a ministry supporting parents who receive similar diagnoses. Just a few weeks after Verity’s eighth birthday (!), Jacobson told me how it felt when doctors labeled her daughter: “I remember the gut punch hearing that my daughter, kicking away inside my belly, was supposedly ‘incompatible with life.’ It was devastating. We didn’t know whether to prepare for a birth or a burial.”

Yet Beverly and her husband, Ted, chose to prepare for Verity’s life. That shift, she said, sparked intense spiritual growth, raw prayers, and ultimately, deep joy. “When I realized there were children with this condition who were alive and very much thriving—even with their unique needs—I was both hopeful and terrified,” she told me. “In our ministry, we use the term ‘life-limiting condition’ instead, because we know first-hand the power of langauge.”

Jacobson describes Verity as having the hardest life in her family, yet she’s the most joyful member. “She … works so hard to do the things we take for granted—sit cross-legged on the floor, stand up, take steps in her walker. And yet she bursts into smiles and giggles when her people get up close and talk, play, and laugh with her.” She’s not the burden­ doctors warned Jacobson about, but the source of unconditional love and profound life lessons. “Verity has given us the opportunity to learn to be more selfless in a world that encourages us to cater to our every whim.”

Jacobson urges parents to see beyond the initial darkness: “It’s OK to cry and grieve. Give yourself time and space to process your emotions. Don’t make any big decisions from a place of raw emotion. Know that you are not alone—there are people and resources to help you.” She emphasized that abortion does not erase grief or hardship. “It only removes any opportunity for joy, love, and unexpected blessings—even if your baby’s life is brief.”

Three decades ago, our family faced the same darkness. We were scared, unsure, and heartbroken. But Katherine’s life taught us what Jacobson teaches others: Every child, even one with a “life-limiting condition,” has immeasurable worth.

So, “How many kids do you have?” For me, it comes down to time: both the time to explain Katherine’s part in our family and the brevity of the time she had on earth. Yet I won’t let that diminish her. A child once deemed “incompatible with life” taught me the immeasurable value in every human being God makes, however He chooses to do so.