Robotic romance: AI matchmaking in online dating

Whitney Wolfe Herd, founder of Bumble, wants artificial intelligence to teach people how to date. At the Bloomberg Technology Summit in May 2024, she proposed an AI “dating concierge” feature on Bumble that offered emotional support and relationship tips.

Recent innovations in generative AI provide new tools and risks for dating app users, raising new questions about how these tools should be used—if at all.

In April, the 2024 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report found that 59 percent of current online daters are somewhat or very likely to use AI apps or tools for dating coaching. Roughly 64 percent of current online daters are somewhat or very likely to use AI to write a pickup line or conversation starter for a dating app. The study reported that 61 percent are somewhat or very likely to use AI to develop their dating profile.

“You could in the near future be talking to your AI dating concierge and you could share your insecurities. ‘I just came out of a breakup. I have commitment issues,’” Wolfe Herd said. “It could help you train yourself into a better way of thinking about yourself and . . . give you productive tips for communicating with other people.”

The innovation comes at a time when many dating apps are losing money. In March, The New York Times reported that market values for Match Group, which owns most major dating apps, and Bumble have fallen by more than $40 billion since 2021. The two companies represent the majority of the dating app market.

Many of these apps are free to download but restrict certain features behind a paid subscription, which is how they get most of their revenue. However, younger users are less inclined to pay for dating app subscriptions. Pew Research reported in 2023 that 35 percent of total dating users—and only 22 percent of users under 30—say that they have paid to use dating apps. Dating apps are eager to entice younger users to pay for glossy new features.

Wolfe Herd even brought up the possibility of an AI matchmaker. “There’s a world where your dating concierge could … scan all of San Francisco for you and say these are the three people you ought to meet,” she said.

Bumble has yet to officially announce the dating concierge feature, but it already uses AI tools to detect spam accounts and blur lewd photos.

Other dating apps are using generative AI in similar ways. Tinder lists an AI bio updating service on its website, though it says the option is only available to test markets. In November 2022, Former Tinder CEO Renate Nyborg founded an app called Meeno, which uses generative AI to give relationship advice. Iris Dating, launched in 2019, uses AI to recommend partners for its users based on what faces they find attractive.

Dustin Ryan, a data and AI solution specialist at a major tech company, argued in an article for Christ Over All that Christians should view AI as an imperfect tool that they can use for good purposes. In an interview, Ryan told me that AI could be an effective matchmaker. He used the analogy of a stack of papers of potential people to date, pointing out that it would take a human a long time to narrow that list down to three people. AI “can do it very, very, quickly,” he said.

But he cautioned that a Christian shouldn’t use AI-generated conversational responses in personal relationships.

“If you got a friend that’s … going through the loss of a parent, [AI] may have some general knowledge on how to help people who are sad, but it doesn’t know your friend like you would know your friend,” Ryan said. “I don’t see that being an effective way to truly love and care for somebody.”

Other Christians think that using generative AI in dating contexts at all is misguided. Jason Thacker is a senior fellow in Christian ethics at the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission.

“No tool is neutral,” Thacker said. “A lot of it comes down to not just how we use it, but how it’s shaping us. It’s quite dehumanizing to treat the other person as if they’re a problem to be solved or a challenge to be met.”

Thacker argued that AI chatbots can’t address insecurities by providing funny jokes or conversational tips. Instead, relying on bots can short-circuit relationship forming and build a foundation on selfishness rather than care for others.

“Relationships aren’t just about meeting my needs . . . it’s actually wholly about the other person,” Thacker said. “I think it’s quite ironic that we’re utilizing a tool that is very much nonhuman, to help us to communicate with humans better.”