Don’t forget dad

Sean Corcoran was just 19 years old when his girlfriend told him she had made a devastating decision—she was planning to abort their baby.

The two college students were freshmen, and pregnancy was not part of their plan. Corcoran thought there were other options besides killing their child, and his father even offered to adopt the baby. But his girlfriend’s mind was made up.

“I don’t think she came to me looking for answers,” he says. “I think she came to me looking to not be alone in the decision.”

After the abortion, both of their grades took a hit as they struggled with what had happened. Corcoran’s girlfriend spoke to one of the school counselors who waived her classes for the semester so that she could take time to process before continuing her education. But when Corcoran went to the same counselor the next day, he says he received a very different response. “They just said no, this doesn’t affect you because you’re a man.”

Corcoran ended up failing out of college and moving back home. Over the next eight years he failed out of school twice more, became addicted to methamphetamines, and eventually overdosed in a hotel room, homeless and unemployed.

It was only after talking to a counselor at a drug rehabilitation program that he finally connected his cycle of struggles to the abortion years prior. The counselor affirmed his grief as real and encouraged him to process the trauma and write letters offering forgiveness and asking for forgiveness. And she had him name his unborn child. “His name is Michael,” Corcoran says.

Much abortion messaging paints the decision as solely belonging to the pregnant woman. And while women do carry the physical burden of pregnancy, pro-lifers say men’s voices shouldn’t be ignored. They argue more lives could be saved from abortion if men were more involved in the decision-making process. To that end, some pregnancy centers are stepping up to empower men to be reliable fathers.

Earlier this year, the pro-life Vitae Research Institute published its first study examining how men respond to unplanned pregnancy and abortion. Researchers interviewed 50 men about their personal experiences and their perceived influence on a woman’s decision. Twenty respondents had faced an unexpected pregnancy and told their girlfriends or wives they would support them in their decision, while 16 took a stronger stance either for or against abortion. Fourteen said they had never faced an unexpected pregnancy or abortion.

“If you look at general research on men and abortion issues, it’s very scant,” said one of the study’s researchers, Liam Siegler. Culturally, men have been told they shouldn’t have an opinion when it comes to abortion, even if their own child’s life is on the line, Siegler said. “The rhetoric assumes that men taking a passive role is the correct posture to take.”

Many of the respondents in the Vitae study said they believed it was not their right to make a final decision, though some believed they should have a say. While pro-abortion groups repeat slogans like “My body, my choice” and “No uterus, no opinion,” some studies suggest that women do look to the father of their child when making a decision about abortion.

In a 2021 study by Lifeway Research, more than 70% of men surveyed whose partners had an abortion said that she discussed the decision with him before undergoing the procedure. An earlier survey of post-abortive women found that they were most likely to speak with the father of the baby or a medical professional first. “Both men and women perceive the man as being the most influential factor in abortion decision making, which is something you don’t hear,” Siegler said.

The Lifeway study also found that 73% of the men either encouraged their partner to have an abortion or did not give an opinion, while just 8% strongly favored choosing life. In the Vitae survey, many men said that even if they were leaning toward an abortion or toward choosing life for their child, they believed the best response was to tell the woman that they would support her in whatever she chose.

In another Vitae study, researchers examined what women thought of that posture by the father. “A lot of the women responded negatively to that response because they perceived it as shifting the burden of responsibility onto her,” Siegler said.

Men also cited their perceived readiness to be a father and the strength of their relationship with their baby’s mother as key factors in their response to an unexpected pregnancy. “Pretty consistently we saw that men who were in high trust, high commitment relationships, when she tells him that she’s pregnant, he’s excited,” Siegler said. But in low-commitment relationships, men were more likely to encourage or accept an abortion.

When Don Schumaker began volunteering at Crossroads Care Center in Auburn Hills, Mich., in 2023, he was one of three men serving in the pregnancy center’s men’s program. Now eight men volunteer regularly, and Schumaker became the head of the men’s program in April. “I’m still getting my feet on the ground for what all that entails,” Schumaker said. “It’s a much taller order than it sounds like.”

While Crossroads and other pregnancy centers have long served women who are considering abortion or who need support after choosing life, their tried-and-true strategies do not always translate to men’s services. Over the last few years, the center has been treating fathers who come in with their girlfriends or wives as clients and offering them the same intake forms as women. The goal is for staff and volunteers to intentionally meet with the men and understand what they need in order to feel equipped to be good fathers.

Once a couple does choose life, the center offers prenatal and infant care classes to prepare them for parenthood. But after helping mothers coordinate prenatal medical care, fathers are often absent for future appointments and classes that typically take place during the day. “He’s supposed to be working and doing other things, so we really lose contact,” Schumaker said. “We want them to be working so it’s really coming down to figuring out a way to meet them where they live.”

The center plans to begin Tuesday evening classes specifically for men, and it’s exploring the option of hosting meetings in centrally located churches to make it easier for men to gather. The programming for men will not just be about how to care for a child, Schumaker said. It will also focus on mentorship and teaching men responsibility and commitment. “Ultimately we would love it if he made a commitment to her for life and were all in with her and the child to make a family,” he said.

Sean Corcoran agrees that men need more than classes on how to change a diaper. “There’s a hunger in young men for something greater,” he said. “We’ve lost the sense that our purpose and our meaning and our identity is rooted in something greater than self.”

After getting out of rehab, Corcoran returned to school, became a lawyer, got married, and started a family. But about eight years after God turned his life around, he felt compelled to share his story of abortion at a retreat with people outside of his family for the first time. After his talk, three men came up to him to say they also had been through an abortion and were struggling to process the grief.

“Men think that they’re alone,” he said. “They think they’re the only ones because men aren’t talking about it.”

Corcoran began sharing his story and in 2024 became CEO of the national nonprofit Men for Life. The organization aims to change culture by restoring authentic masculinity. It works with pregnancy resource centers to develop men’s programming based on Biblical masculinity. “Week one is ‘What does it mean to be a man?’ And then, ‘How do you form your identity?’” he said. “Getting to the heart of it so that he feels confident to be a man, to respect the mother, to raise a child, and to change a diaper.”

The organization urges men, regardless of whether they have walked with a woman through an unplanned pregnancy, to speak up for unborn babies instead of sitting on the sidelines. According to a Gallup poll published last summer, 54% of men identified as pro-life. But few men talk publicly about their position, Corcoran said.

“Right now we’ve got half of the pro-life army on the sidelines,” he said. “When men return back to the arena, to fight boldly for life, that’s when we’ll end abortion.”