Classic Book of the Month: The Connected Child

MYRNA BROWN, HOST: Today is Tuesday, October 4th. Thank you for turning to WORLD Radio to help start your day.

Good morning. I’m Myrna Brown.

NICK EICHER, HOST: And I’m Nick Eicher. Coming next on The World and Everything in It: our Classic Book of the Month for October.

Today, a parenting book particularly suited to our crumbling American culture, one where family breakdowns are common.

Of course, those likely to suffer most are babies and children facing trauma, abuse, and abandonment.

Reviewer Emily Whitten says our book today can help Christians step up—and be agents of God’s healing to kids who are hurting.

PURVIS: So, serving hurt children, harmed children, does take great strength to do. When we’re able to take a light into those dark places, it gives us courage to keep going.

EMILY WHITTEN, REVIEWER: That’s Karyn Purvis, a developmental psychologist, speaking in a 2016 interview. She co-founded the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University. And she co-authored our Classic Book of the Month for October, The Connected Child.

First published in 2007, The Connected Child equips parents to minister to children who’ve experienced trauma—especially children in adoptive and foster families. Here’s an audiobook clip of the introduction.

AUDIOBOOK: A two year old is adopted from an orphanage where she was underfed, under-touched, and neglected. From lack of stimulation, her senses have not developed normally. In her new adoptive home, she is bombarded by unfamiliar sights, sounds, smells, taste, and physical sensations. She expresses herself the only way she knows how–through tantrums and aggressiveness.

That’s just one of many case studies Purvis and her co-authors cite. But no matter how children may be hurt, The Connected Child offers hope for healing. With scientific research and clear instructions, the book equips parents to regain authority and build trust.

AUDIOBOOK: Through our own research with families during the past ten years, we know that a multidisciplinary approach can help many youngsters transform into happier, well-adjusted family members. For the best results, you need to: Disarm your child’s fear response. Establish clear and sensitive parental authority.

One Christian family has used the book on their adoptive journey—The Black family from southwest Missouri. They’ve invited others into that journey through their Youtube channel, Zero2Five Family.

CLIP: What’s been your favorite thing so far? Skiing! You like riding the lifts? You do some jumping? You got some air? Yeah! With mom! I was on the lift, and I was like, phoom! I was in the air.

Mom Kristal Black says she and her husband were thrilled to adopt five siblings. But it wasn’t easy, in part because of the kids’ previous trauma.

BLACK: My initial reaction is, that's defiance. And that's bad. And we have to squash it, you know, and so The Connected Child really helped me to change my perspective, see the root cause of some of those behaviors, and then be able to meet them there and help them through it.

One idea that’s worked well—instead of giving her younger kids Time Out as a punishment, she gives them Time In.

BLACK: I would call, you know, one of the kids involved in the conflict, hey, grab a book, come sit with me, you're gonna sit with me until I'm finished doing what I'm doing. My kids were, you know, they spent a lot of isolation time before they came into foster care. So it instead of reinforcing that, when you're bad, you have to be by yourself, you have to isolate it’s, I can watch you and tell you, you know, I know that your behavior is going to change.

The Connected Child addresses many kinds of trauma—not just those experienced by fostered or adopted children. For instance, many traumas—including illness or abuse—can affect brain development. Black explains how she sees that affect daily life.

BLACK: Their maybe cognitive maturity, emotional age, is very different than their biological age. And so, you know, out in the world, people might see, you know, a 13 year old girl, but then when you see the behavior of maybe more like an eight year old girl, so the connected child really points that out and helps you kind of move to a maybe a state of acceptance.

When parents accept and address a child’s hidden needs, families often see great gains. Here’s another clip from the audiobook.

AUDIOBOOK: Children with the greatest developmental challenges make the most progress in a sensory-rich, nurturing environment. By providing this–along with love, guidance, and acceptance, you can help overcome a legacy of maltreatment and become an effective healer for your own child.

Purvis isn’t explicit about her Christian faith in The Connected Child, and not everyone will want to use all her methods. But Black says she sees Christ in the core message of the book.

BLACK: What she was teaching other people about connecting is definitely I believe how God connects with us, comes down to our level on a physical and emotional and mental, you know, way. He, you know, works with us, sits with us and our messiness. And so I would say, that's definitely a biblical worldview.

With Roe v Wade overturned, Christians should expect to see more unwanted children born in our country. Black says our Classic Book of the Month, The Connected Child, can equip churches to make a difference to these kids.

BLACK: When you have a trauma informed congregation, you can kind of gather around the kid, their caretakers and support them. I think that that's what we're supposed to do. God, you know, says very specifically, our family verse is James 1:27, you know, true religion is caring for orphans and widows and refusing to let the world corrupt us. And then that's our calling.

I’m Emily Whitten.

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