The false promise of the Sigma male

A recent column in the Guardian explored the rise of self-described “Sigma males.” The columnist opens with this description:

You are a lone wolf. You are an independent thinker who makes his own rules. You are confident and competent. Women are drawn to you, but you don’t really care about them. Your day begins at 4:30 a.m. with a cold shower, followed by a punishing workout and an even more punishing skincare routine. You shun conventional career paths and run your own business, probably in crypto or real estate or vigilante crime fighting. You are that rarest of males—you are a sigma.

Social media platforms are full of content targeting young men who aspire to this kind of life. YouTube features videos with instructions, steps, and guides.

The so-called “Sigma” life is just another model of masculinity in a culture where young men, many without positive male role models in their own lives, search for the meaning of life. Some of the content in these spaces is helpful, such as tips on exercise, diet, and finance. But often these pursuits become rabbit trails that lead to a twisting of masculinity into something that often celebrates misogyny, racism, and what Carl Trueman labels, “crudity, verbal thuggery ... and the frictionless kindergartens of social media bubbles.”

In the absence of wholesome models of masculinity, some Christian young men are retreating to these perpetually online embattlements, where they are imbibing a syncretistic mixture of Christianity and barbarism. Christian men with influence should warn those in danger of falling prey to Bronze Age Warlord style machismo while also recognizing the social and cultural void these self-styled online shock jocks are filling.

For too long, many of our institutions have subtly undermined the moral formation of young men. Radical feminism that has depicted men as either bumbling moral midgets or toxic monsters. The rapid decline of marriage and church attendance has left generations of boys without any visible models of masculinity. As a result, this natural longing in a man’s heart to know and be known has them searching out less-than-ideal guidance on the meaning of life.

The Christian story has the answer for the redemption of young men. It reminds us that a fallen Adam will either shrink back in passivity or move forward in violence without the divine intervention of the Second Adam. In Christ, we not only see a model of masculinity that offers both a weeping friend and a crusading warrior, but a Savior who can turn corrupted male hearts into good men.

Christianity offers a pattern for healthy masculinity that differs from the world’s distorted facsimiles, and the Church should not shy away from aggressively presenting this vision to the men in our world who languish for hope. The paradox of Biblical manhood is that it is at the same time both tough and tender, resilient and relational, ambitious and yet servant-hearted. Consider some of the traits Paul urges his protégés to seek out in potential leaders: “temperate, not quick-tempered, sober, hospitable, respectable, not greedy, holy, above reproach, a good steward of his family (1 Timothy 3, Titus 1).” At the same time, he urges godly men to “stand firm in the faith (1 Corinthians 16)” and to “fight the good fight (1 Timothy 6:12).”

This kind of rich, Biblical vision for manhood is less thrilling than the social media warriors and YouTube provocateurs might portray. But real men are not cosplaying civil war online or flexing for Instagram because they are too busy reading to their children, driving the family minivan to church, or working with their hands to provide for the ones they love.

The most masculine man I know—my father—has never once posted a workout video and wouldn’t know Andrew Tate from Andrew Jackson. He offered something better: a real man who got up early every day and went to work, involved his family in the life of the church, and was faithful to my late mother. I’ve realized his life is a gift that many young boys never had. And thus they search for masculinity in the fever swamps.

America has a manhood crisis that only Christianity can solve. So while we warn of the dangers of faux masculinity models, let’s not shy away from boldly presenting to our boys the goodness, and the responsibilities, of being men.