How do we love our transgender neighbors?

The Christian Church has always been a home for flawed people—broken, repenting, and learning to submit to Christ’s lordship. As the sexual revolution wrecks lives, the Church welcomes its “refugees.” And our churches must be ready to embrace the growing number of those refugees who are suffering gender dysphoria and perhaps have undergone some degree of so-called “transition.”

How should we respond when a 50-year-old man who has undergone multiple surgeries and presented as a woman for decades walks through the church doors? Or a 15-year-old girl who’s always preferred trucks over tutus, obsesses over TikTok trans-influencers, and demands testosterone? Whatever the details, here are five ways Christians can love those struggling with gender dysphoria.

First, be a true friend.

Friendship is a complex calling. Some may be tempted to recoil. Others will want to affirm an individual’s chosen identity to avoid conflict. But Christians follow a Jesus accused of being a friend of publicans and sinners; He learned their names and shared meals with them. We can’t save anyone, but we are called to be the hands and feet of Christ.

Everyone needs authentic community. Look past the labels and see the person who walks through your church doors as a whole person, created in God’s image. If the individual is choosing to attend your Bible-believing church, there’s a good chance he or she is questioning previous life choices and being shunned by those who once praised the “courage” to live a lie. Whatever the specifics, we face an embodied soul making daily decisions with eternal implications.

Second, listen well.

Friendship requires a listening ear. While faithful Christians can’t settle for vapid “inclusion” or “acceptance,” we can practice the art of the open-ended question. We can accept the reality that the person has a story—almost certainly a story riddled with pain, mental health challenges, or trauma.

No one puts themselves through the difficulties of hormones or surgery without some rationale. If we admit, as John Calvin wrote, that our hearts are idol factories, we may find more common ground. Struggles with identity, body image, and discontentment are not unique to individuals experiencing gender dysphoria. Listen and empathize as much as you can.

Third, share the good news.

Christian friendship offers the hope of the gospel. While this message is straightforward, it is not simplistic. Introduce (or reintroduce) your friend to the sinless Christ who is a friend of sinners. This is the Jesus who never coveted another identity. Never lied. Never indulged a lustful thought.

Hebrews offers the comfort that He is able “to sympathize with our weaknesses,” because He “has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Christ lived the perfection we could never achieve and died to restore our relationship with the Father. When believers repent and throw ourselves upon God’s mercy, we find fresh desire and ability to follow His designs for our lives. Our culture’s current obsession with living our own truth may be catapulting us into chaos, but it doesn’t hamstring the hope of the gospel.

Fourth, speak the truth.

But while the gospel brings hope, it also costs us our lives. Our friends weren’t born into the wrong body; even “pronoun hospitality” reinforces lies about God’s design. God created male and female—with equal dignity and differing roles within creation. Realignment with this order will ultimately bring blessing. But obedience is often excruciating. An active devil, an aggressive world, and a stubborn flesh all stand on the wrong side of history.

As we share the truth, we must avoid enforcing more rules than God Himself. Some stereotypes and expressions of masculinity and femininity are cultural and ephemeral. Being “created female” is far more than a costume (e.g., dresses, long hair, or makeup) or a list of activities and preferences. Our sexual nature isn’t something we choose for ourselves, but God does offer some freedom and flexibility in living out our given role.

Fifth, walk alongside.

If our gender-dysphoric friend seeks to follow Christ, unique hurdles will lie ahead. As that person and prudence allows, walk with him or her. Consider helping with the burdensome process of legally reversing a name change, seeking reconciliation with an estranged family, or joining appointments to learn what medical or legal recourse may be available for the bodily harm inflicted. Even if the person reasserts his or her God-given identity, deep scars will remain. Help such people to know that they are worthy of love and have a role to fill in their families, communities, and churches.

As the culture continues to systematize rebellion against God’s good design, we have the vital opportunity to be the Church—to listen, speak, and do things out of a commitment to truth and love. It won’t be easy, but eternity will reveal the benefits of this faithfulness.