Why guys leave the church, Part II

The evangelical church grossly underchallenges men aged 18-29. What does the church expect of young men? Not much: Stay out of trouble, get married, and remain sexually pure. Now God has raised up an army of men to fight against a world of evil as part of His redemptive mission, and the best thing most churches have for guys is an informational Bible study, group penance in an accountability group, and once-a-week basketball.

David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going To Church, says the church's focus on "relationships" -- a personal relationship with Jesus and healthy relationships with others -- appeals directly to the needs of women. Jesus, as the fulfiller of relationship needs, "partners with women to fulfill their deepest longing" for safety and security. Few churches model men's values, says Murrow: "risk and reward, accomplishment, heroic sacrifice, action and adventure." Men respond to challenge and invitations to embark on missions.

Jesus invited his disciples to "follow" Him into mission and battle for the purposes of the Kingdom. Churches ask young men to be quiet, nice, and cuddly with a hippie Jesus. Jesus did not say, "Hey guys, will you have a relationship with me?"

Men typically aren't looking for a church with safe programs either. Men change through encounters with inspiring men, Murrow argues: "Every successful man will tell you of a father, an uncle, a teacher, a coach, or a sergeant who made the difference in his life."

Passivity, softness, pink walls, love ballads, safety and security idols will not sustain a population of younger men. Many churches attempt to rectify this by unwisely creating separate ministries to reach "college and career" young adults or developing a special service with "cooler" music. Music ain't the problem.

If you want to capture the hearts of men you must invite them to die by rejecting the idols of safety and comfort. Jesus invites men to follow him into mystery, uncertainty, adventure, danger, pain, suffering, warfare, and death. Jesus invites men to live in poverty, fight evil, endure attacks, and to follow inspiring men. Most churches only challenge young men to be nice, live for safety, hang out with youth, sing "You're altogether lovely. . .altogether wonderful to me," and stay out of trouble until they get married. As a result, young guys avoid church, stay at home to play Nintendo Wii, watch sports, plan their next female conquest, brainstorm about tattoos, and ski.