Ugly sweater day

This morning my 17-year-old daughter asked if she could borrow my sweater for school. Flattered, I granted permission. "Thanks," she said, "it's 'Ugly Sweater Day' at school."

Last month, on the day of my niece's wedding, a young girl was applying make-up to me in a room thick with estrogen. She called out a general appeal for suggestions on how to improve my face, and suddenly there was a tight semi-circle of faces crowding my personal space. The mother of the groom clinically suggested that a pencil be taken to my eyebrows-"especially the gap on the left eyebrow." I went back to the hotel mirror that night and sure enough, there is a gap on my left eyebrow.

All of which is to say that sometimes other people see things about ourselves that we do not notice. We should welcome that. I would never have known how ugly my sweater was or the deficiency of my facial hair if I had not the benefit of other eyes than my own. The same is true spiritually.

I have a friend who sees a therapist, and one day she shared with me an exercise the therapist told her to do: "Imagine all week that you are someone else watching yourself." At first I couldn't see the point of the little assignment. But then for kicks I started looking at my behavior as through the eyes of a third party. It was not pretty. I observed a woman self-absorbed, perfunctory in relationships, and given to worthless speech. You yourselves might have come close to a similarly displeasing epiphany if you have ever been caught on a candid recording and had to listen to it replayed.

God says to not forsake getting together with other believers (Hebrews 3:13; 10:25). These are the people who can help you see what you look like. For instance, my late husband once told me that when I tell coarse jokes, people would laugh at the moment but then think less of me afterward. That was useful information. My output of coarse jokes precipitously declined after that.