Time to remember

Memorial Day is a time to remember those who have died serving our country in the armed forces. Most families have a headstone to decorate with flags or flowers, but some are still waiting to lay their loved ones to rest. Kim Henderson’s story, “Leave no one behind,” in this issue, recounts how one family’s long wait finally came to an end this year. Many other families—including her own—still don’t know for sure what happened to the men and women they sent off to war.

What was it like writing about something so personal to your own family? I knew that whenever the piece came out, my 91-year-old dad would take it down to the diner and show his friends. I knew that people in the community who went to school with my cousin might read it, as well as folks at our VFW who are deeply invested in ­honoring his memory. I wanted to get it right.

The story of those missing in action is as much about the living left behind as it is about the ones who died. One of the people Thomas Green left behind was his fiancée, Debby. Even after so much time had passed, she still wanted to come to his funeral. What did she tell you when you met her? That Thomas was a “good, planted Christian.” Together they led a group at their high school that met together at lunch to pray, and Thomas was saving money for her to go to Bible college while he finished his enlistment. She also showed me pictures, like the one of them in matching clothes that she sewed all by herself. Of course, Debby also talked about how difficult it was to lose “her Tom.” She wondered if she didn’t pray hard enough when he left. She wished they had run away to Canada. She worked through it with her faith intact, but the burial of Thomas’ remains in February was the first funeral she attended since his memorial service in 1972. She remembers that winter day as one of the worst in her life. “Just everyone crying. I never wanted to ­experience that again.”

You mentioned meeting people who wore your cousin Danny’s MIA bracelet. They never knew him but carried his memory with them for decades. Your experience is somewhat similar, in that you never really knew him in life. How have you come to know him more recently? In December, Rick and Cleta Gunder drove six hours to meet our family. For years, Rick has ridden in Danny’s honor in a cross-country motorcycle event called Run for the Wall. I took the Gunders to our local military museum where there is a case of Danny’s personal items—his graduation program, Little League pictures, stuff like that. Cleta read aloud from a letter Danny sent his mother while he was in Vietnam. He was requesting some new pants, “31 waist and 32 length.” I’ve learned a lot about Danny’s service in the war, but little things like that make the family’s loss very real to me.