Thinking rightly about 'loving and hating'

“You’re trying to kill me! Bologna is high in cholesterol! You can’t buy that? I can’t eat it!” my mother screamed at my then 10-year-old daughter as she picked up the package of lunchmeat at the local grocery. My daughter, in shock, didn’t have a clue how to respond to the reckless unexpected outburst.

My wife and I had gone on vacation and my parents were babysitting. At the time, our kids took bologna sandwiches to school every day—unaware of its supposedly lethal properties.

But this was Mom: explosive, overbearing, and angry—three undesirable qualities. But this was also Mom: hard-working, concerned for others’ welfare, willing to confront if it would help, responsible, generous, outgoing, and an initiator. I learned a lot of life’s wisdom from her.

My mom’s explosive temper made people walk on eggshells, limited her friendships, and created walls. Her overbearing nature emasculated some, and her anger exploded too often and frighteningly. When her eyelashes fluttered and her tongue rolled, you knew it was time to run for cover.

But my love for my mother was never destroyed. She was an incredible woman. I’m thankful for her. I learned from her good traits as well as bad. One can reject and hate the behavior and love the person. And as disciples of Jesus Christ, we are called to do just that.

If we see ourselves honestly we must admit that we too sin in ways we dislike. We don’t hate ourselves; we hate the behavior. We ought not accept the behavior, but repent of it, and ask God to help change us. Honest married couples confess their spouse has behaviors they abhor, but the Bible calls for forgiveness, acceptance, and love in spite of it.

To project abhorrence of a behavior as rejection of the individual is faulty thinking. As believers we need to think clearly even if the world we live in chooses to think otherwise. Here are some specifics that may help us apply these truths practically (they come from 1 Peter 3:15-17):