The need to worry

An addiction, to my way of thinking, is any compulsive behavior that we engage in because we get something out of it, but that is self-destructive. The Lord has shown me that worry is my addiction. He proved this by removing my problems and demonstrating that I will continue to worry even when the problems are removed. Indeed, I observed my mind almost frantically looking for something new to worry about, like a virus desperate for a new host cell, or the free-floating priest in the book of Judges who attached himself to Micah's house. Worry is a misery, but it's my little pet misery. It's my most comfortable state.

What do I "get out of" worry? Answer: protection. If I am worried, preemptively, about a certain outcome, the outcome will not happen. Or if it does, it won't take me by surprise. The way to keep from being destroyed by some future scenario that I fear is to be unhappy about it ahead of time. See how clever I am?

God isn't playing. He wants to be my protection; he doesn't want me to protect myself in that way. He wants to be my trust. He commands us to "rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4:4), which to a person wired like me is tantamount to bungee-jumping. Because God commands it, however, I have been trying to comply. It's very scary at this stage, and I have to do it multiple times a day. But I think once I get the hang of it I will enjoy it a lot more than my addiction.