The liberal world of rock-paper-scissors

I first learned rock-paper-scissors from my children. The hand game that originated in Asia (my kids are half Korean) had its counterpart in my day in the childhood practice of coin flipping or throwing dice. The uses are similar: choosing one thing over another (say, two captains picking their team in a sandlot baseball game). The method in rock-paper-scissors involves a contest in which two opponents throw out simultaneous hand movements configured as a rock (fist shape), paper (flattened hand), or scissors (index and middle fingers extended).

If your opponent throws a rock and you throw paper, you win (paper covers rock). If he throws a rock and you throw scissors, he wins (rock smashes scissors). Scissors beat out paper. The game is one of chance—unless you are so smart that you can figure out a pattern in your opponents’ throws. Then it is a game of skill.

I was reminded of the rock-paper-scissors game the other day while reading the newspaper. It was an editorial voicing the usual liberal disdain for the Republican roster of candidates. What brought to mind the children’s game was the thinly concealed vitriol toward Ted Cruz (a Latino immigrant son), Ben Carson (an African-American), and Carly Fiorina (a woman).

Isn’t that interesting, I thought. Here is the liberal establishment, self-proclaimed champions of immigrant Latinos, African-Americans, and women. Here is the political camp that keeps the issues of Latino immigration, racial discrimination, and the “war on women” on the front burners. Why do they so despise this particular Latino immigrant son, African-American, and woman? How does this make any sense?

The key to understanding it all is rock-paper-scissors. Consider several of the great causes of the liberal agenda: permissive immigration, African-American preference, and women’s rights.

All things being equal, a man like Ted Cruz, a Latino immigrant son, should be the poster child of the left. But the problem is that Cruz is opposed to loosey-goosey immigration laws, and loosey-goosey immigration laws are more important in the liberal pantheon of values than the fact that Cruz is the son of an immigrant. Rock beats scissors. The immigration issue beats out the immigration son candidate.

All things being equal, Ben Carson would be a liberal poster child too, a black man who, as a retired world-class neurosurgeon, exemplifies all that the liberals say they want to see African-Americans achieve. But the problem is that Carson is opposed to abortion, climate change, and runaway government spending—all liberal sacred cows. Paper beats rock. These liberal causes beat out the fact that Carson is the incarnation of a strong liberal cause success story.

All things being equal, Carly Fiorina would be another liberal poster child, a woman who has made it to the top of the business world as the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard. But the problem is that Fiorina is opposed to Planned Parenthood and the selling of baby parts, and the abortion industry is more important in the liberal pantheon of values than the fact that Fiorina is a woman. Scissors beats paper. A woman’s “right to choose” beats out the GOP’s woman candidate.

So if you are having trouble understanding the news these days, and the baffling and counterintuitive sympathy and hatred of the liberal media, it is best to bear in mind the intricacies of the childhood game of rock-paper-scissors. It will help you make sense of the nonsensical left—and the terrible game they are playing.