Tax headache? Take two jokes and vote in the morning

Hope your income tax preparing hasn’t given you a headache. If so, here’s my optimistic suggestion: Read Friday’s joke column, then this one, and soon you’ll feel better.

Willie was also an optimist, so when he lost his clerk’s job he registered for unemployment insurance and told an interviewer he was looking for a new position that would bring with it a starting salary of $150,000. The interviewer responded, “What about a position with that salary, six-weeks vacation, and a new red Corvette?” Willie said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Joe was a pessimist, so when his wife went into labor he phoned the hospital and spoke to a nurse: “My wife’s having a baby. What should I do?” The nurse said, “First, calm down.” Joe replied, “Don’t tell me to be calm. I am calm!” The nurse replied, “Alright, then, is this her first child?” Joe yelled, “No, you nitwit, this is her husband.”

Two things to remember if tax calculations have left you in distress. First, it’s only money. Did you ever hear the story of a man who was getting out of his brand-new Porsche when a car passed too closely and tore off the door on the driver’s side? The man started screaming, “My Porsche is ruined!” His girlfriend told him, “You’re so focused on your possessions you haven’t even noticed your left arm is missing from the elbow down: The truck that hit you must have torn it off.” The man looked and started screaming even louder: “Oh no! My Rolex!”

Second thing to remember: We’re still a lot better off in the United States than in almost any other country in this fallen world. Did you hear how North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un gave an American reporter permission to interview four North Koreans: a poor worker, a soldier, a top Kim assistant, and Kim himself? The reporter said to each of the four, “Excuse me—can I get your opinion on North Korea’s vegetable shortage?” The poor worker asked, “What’s a vegetable?” The soldier asked, “What’s a shortage?” The top assistant said, “What’s an opinion?” Kim asked, “What’s ‘excuse me’”?