Sometimes with a sigh

When I was sitting with Marilyn Heavilin at Keswick's "Colony of Mercy" in New Jersey, in awe of her faith after the loss of her three sons, she said --- as if to caution me against being too impressed --- that she has clung to God because there is nowhere else to go. I know that feeling myself, so I believed her.

I know the starting place of being angry at God, and thinking to teach Him a good lesson by picking up my ball and going home. And then I look around --- and there is no other home. Buddhism? No thank you; not interested in being one with the Great Emptiness. Hinduism? No thank you; not interested worshipping 50,000 little nothing gods. Money, success, and pleasure? Even if there turned out to be no Jesus, I have gone way beyond being able to find satisfaction in these.

Jesus was aware that every step of the way His followers would be tempted to be disillusioned with Him and bail out. So one day, when people were abandoning Him in droves, He turned and asked twelve men still standing after the crowd had thinned, "Do you want to go away as well?" Peter spoke up for the rest of them: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" (John 6:67,68). I don't know the tone of voice when he said it. Was he feeling triumphant? Was he just hanging on by his fingernails?

I stick with God because in spite of this painful life, His Words are the most perfect I have found. Sometimes I say that with a smile, and sometimes with a sigh.