Smurfs

Rated PG • Theaters

Over the last 12 years, moviegoers have suffered through three mediocre Smurfs films. Now Paramount adds a fourth, except this time it’s a musical.

In Smurfs, the evil wizard Razamel—younger brother of the Smurfs’ archenemy Gargamel—is trying to get his hands on a sentient magic book that’s been hiding in Smurf Village. Meanwhile, Smurfette is helping No Name Smurf figure out what his special role will be in their community. After all, every Smurf needs a job. Smurfette and No Name accidentally alert Razamel to their location, which leads to Papa Smurf’s abduction. The Smurf gang must leave the village and brave new worlds to free Papa and stop Razamel.

Don’t go see Smurfs for the songs. The melodies and lyrics are instantly forgettable. The storyline doesn’t fare much better. Tracking down Papa requires the Smurfs to take side trips into the “real world,” which serve no real point. They meet Papa’s brother “Ken” Smurf. Is this blatant disregard for Smurf naming conventions meant to be funny? Ken warns them that Papa has been hiding a not-so-terrible secret.

Most of the Smurfs are miscast. Pop singer Rihanna, with her smoky rasp, makes for a terrible Smurfette. John Goodman isn’t much better as Papa. And Nick Offerman as Ken feels like a gimmick. Also, the film relies heavily on impolite humor, regularly having the Smurfs substitute the word smurf for expletives.

But worst of all, Smurfs unironically offers two conflicting messages. First, everyone needs to find his innate talent to live a fulfilled life. Second, everyone can choose his own identity. Which is it?

When filmmakers rely on clichés rather than craft, this is the kind of movie we get.