Secret on the other side

I never set out wanting to speak at a retreat, and I'm always glad I did. Note to self: There is a moral to this story. Over the eons mankind has fumbled around that moral: "Nothing ventured nothing gained." Or, "The brave man dies only once, the coward dies a thousand times." Or, when one author was asked, "Do you enjoy writing?" she said, "I enjoy having written." Amen.

I spoke at a retreat a few weekends ago and it was like usual---but a little less so. By this time, with many retreats under my belt, I knew how it would go: I would panic as the woman at the mike was introducing me with a little too much alacrity and expectation. I would be asking myself, "What in the world am I doing here? There's been some terrible mistake. I've misheard the Lord. I am a fraud. I have nothing to say."

I would talk back to this terrorist on my shoulder by saying, "I'm not the one who put myself in this position. God put me here. You know I fought it. Besides, there were some moments in the course of preparation when I was convinced that I had helpful messages from Him to deliver. Just deliver them and trust Him."

It was a little wooden A-frame church in Wildwood, N.J., this time, and I met some wonderful women who love Jesus desperately. I got to stay in a gorgeous condo on the beach. When I turned the key and walked in and saw the wisdom and care in every corner of it, and the delicious snacks they left for me on the counter, I thought of these verses from Deuteronomy:

And when the Lord your God brings you into . . . houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant . . . then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the . . . house of slavery (6:10-12).

To hear commentaries by Andrée Seu, click here.