Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior

"Love . . . is not . . . rude" (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Some people think they can figure out how to live morally without a spoken word from God. But I was once so lost that it took the Bible just to teach me something as basic as "rude." In the infamous 1960s I confused rude with truthful. I went through a period when if I didn't tell you everything I thought of you, I was not being honest and sincere.

It can get worse than that-where the plumb line has been erased a bit by every succeeding generation, and behavior progressively coarsens, even the word "rude" (or words like "promiscuous") can lose all meaning.

I was intrigued to pick up a book by the 14-year-old George Washington titled Rules for Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. Here is a random sampler of the 110 entries, for your amusement and edification:

"Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present."

"In the presence of others, sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet."

"Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing any great concern for them."

"Read no letters, books, or papers in company; but when there is an necessity for the doing of it, you must ask leave. Come not near the books or writing of another so as to read them or give your opinion of them unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter."

"Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave."

"Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy."

"Superfluous compliments and all affectation of ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due, they are not to be neglected."

"In pulling off your hat to persons of distinction, as noblemen, justices, churchmen, &c, make a reverence, bowing more or less according to the custom of the better bred and quality of the person. Among your equals, expect not always that they should begin with you first, but to pull off your hat when there is no need is affectation; in the matter of saluting and re-saluting in words, keep to the most usual custom."

"Mock not nor jest at any thing of importance; break no jests that are sharp biting; and if you deliver any thing witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself."

This is so much fun, but I must stop (lest I violate some Washingtonian rule of brevity). I am fascinated on several levels. One is to observe the distance our culture has drifted from our ancestors. And yet, some of us still living have experienced a time when men doffed their hats as they passed on the street, and children at table spoke only with their father's permission. In my late husband's Korean culture, it is still required to stand in the presence of the elderly, and put down your fork if your better or elder has finished his meal.

Note also the biblical adumbrations in these aphorisms. Not that Scripture indebtedness was necessarily conscious on the young Washington's part. In fact, he drew this bound wisdom from an English translation of a French book of maxims. The French were in their decadence, of course (Robespierre and company), but even in his rebellion, Western man cannot escape entirely either his deep Christian roots or his mannishness, his imago dei.

I am not necessarily saying that all these "rules" are perfect (though I confess to some sympathy, having more than once been forced to give way on the sidewalk to a posse of clueless teens headed in my direction). But I think our culture has indeed inched into darkness and neo-barbarity, just as the Scriptures said it would (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

By the way, Paul makes a fascinating comment in 1 Corinthians 11:14:

"Does not nature itself teach you that . . . ?"

What? Nature a teacher? Is that biblical, Paul?

To hear commentaries by Andrée Seu, click here.