Maybe God put us in this world to help somebody beat this disease.

-Roberto Alomar of the Cleveland Indians, referring to the irony of his reconciliation with umpire John Hirschbeck, whom he spat upon after being called out on strikes four years ago. Mr. Alomar has supported Mr. Hirschbeck's foundation to find a cure for adrenoleukodystrophy (ALD), a rare disease of the brain that took the life of Mr. Hirschbeck's 8-year-old son John Drew in 1993. The umpire's 13-year-old son Michael is also afflicted with the disease.

If you wanted a hat that bad, be polite and ask for one. We'll give it to you. We've got a whole bunch of them.

-Los Angeles Dodgers' Todd Hundley, referring to the Chicago fan who stole the cap of bullpen catcher Chad Kreuter and struck him during the ninth inning of the Dodgers' 6-5 victory over the Cubs. Several Dodgers left the bench and waded into the stands to fight with the abusive fans.

He can't say the Creed without perjuring himself.

-Retired Episcopal Bishop FitzSimmons Allison, quoted in a Rod Dreher column in the New York Post poking fun at the news that heretic and former bishop of Newark, N.J., John Shelby Spong has agreed to write a column for a new sex website.

I'm no jerk!

-Hipolito Mejia, a left-wing presidential candidate in the Dominican Republic, in a television ad that attempts to assure voters that even though he hails from the country's ruling elite, he's really a man of the people.

If Elián is returned to Cuba, he will be used for propaganda purposes the same way he was used at the Bagley house to fundraise for Democratic purposes.

-Cuban poet Armando Valladares, who spent 22 years in a Castro prison, in a Washington Times story about a dinner party, held in the ritzy home of prominent Clinton-Gore fundraisers Smith and Elizabeth Bagley, where Elián and Juan Miguel Gonzalez were the guests of honor.