The closest I'll probably ever get to a late-night television career.

Attorney General John Ashcroft, on TV star Ed McMahon's introduction of him at a news conference, using the line made famous- "Heeeere's Johnny"-during his years emceeing NBC's Tonight Show. Mr. McMahon is serving as TV pitchman for a new Justice Department campaign promoting neighborhood watch programs.

There's going to be a book, right? It's just a question of who will publish it.

Robert Orenstein, a lawyer in Rep. Gary Condit's Modesto, Calif., U.S. House district, on what the scandal-plagued congressman will do after his defeat last week in the district's Democratic primary. Mr. Condit garnered 37 percent of the vote in losing to former protégé Dennis Cardoza, who received 55 percent.

Litigation is not good for the soul.

Microsoft attorney John Warden, arguing for court approval of a settlement deal between federal prosecutors and the software giant, ending the government's four-year antitrust case.

We're the only trailer park in Sausalito.

Sausalito, Calif., police Captain Jim Hyatt, after voters rejected a proposal to build a new police and fire building in part because of a campaign that alleged the facility would violate the town's feng shui-or the Eastern superstition of placing things to ensure a harmonious energy flow. Sausalito police officers now must continue to work in the trailers they have occupied since a 1995 flood destroyed the old police building.

Nobody's ever called me on it.

Thomas Dorr, President Bush's nominee to become undersecretary of agriculture, during a secretly taped conversation in which he was asked whether his farm had illegally collected more in federal farm subsidies than the government allows. Federal law limited payments to individual farms to $50,000, but Mr. Dorr said his family did "nothing out of the ordinary relative to how many family farms are operated."