Quick Takes: A bone of contention

Eight years ago, Michael Berkheimer got a chicken bone stuck in his throat while devouring a plate of garlic Parmesan wings at a Hamilton, Ohio, restaurant. And that surprised him, considering he’d ordered boneless wings. Berkheimer, who suffered a lacerated esophagus and required emergency care, was surprised once again July 25 when the Ohio Supreme Court ruled restaurants aren’t negligent if they serve boneless chicken wings with bones. The decision marked a probable end to Berkheimer’s lawsuit but opened a new front in the semantic debate over food definitions. Writing for the narrow majority, Justice Joseph Deters said patrons looking for boneless wings “would no more believe that the restaurant was warranting the absence of bones in the items than believe that the items were made from chicken wings, just as a person eating ‘chicken fingers’ would know that he had not been served fingers.” According to the majority, the term “boneless wings” refers to a cooking style, not a food content promise. Justice Michael Donnelly described the majority opinion as “jabberwocky” in his dissent: “When [people] read the word ‘boneless,’ they think that it means ‘without bones,’ as do all sensible people.”

Nothing to toast?

The bubbly has fallen flat and the chief financial officer of French luxury multinational LVMH thinks it’s because people are too sad to buy champagne. During a July 23 conference call with investors, Jean-Jacques Guiony noted company champagne sales are down 15 percent in the first six months of this year compared with 2023. “Maybe the current global situation, be it geopolitical or macroeconomic, does not lead people to cheer up and to open bottles of champagne,” Guiony said, according to Business Insider. The London International Vintners Exchange index shows champagne prices down nearly 20 percent over the past two years.

Patrolling the flock

When the kids got loose, Lynnfield, Mass., police officer Franco Pisano knew just what to do. Police received word July 30 a small flock of goats hired to clear poison ivy from a lot had scattered—chased out of their enclosure by dogs—and were wandering about Lynnfield’s neighborhoods. Pisano found five of the 15 goats on a local street. According to a department social media post, “Officer Pisano was able to establish himself as the alpha and lead the goats to safety.” The goats’ owners said they recovered the rest of the animals by the next day.

An Asian airline’s turbulent decision

Korean Air has a new message for passengers: no soup for you. The airline announced it would stop offering cups of instant noodles to economy class on long-haul flights beginning Aug. 15. The airline blamed increasing reports of turbulence for the decision, noting that the hot noodles pose a risk for passengers and flight attendants. “Flight attendants must move several cups of noodles filled with hot water at once, and passengers are crowded together, so the risk of burns has been high,” an airline official said in a statement. While business and first class can still request the noodles, economy passengers will have to choose from a menu of safer snacks like corn dogs, pizza, and Hot Pockets.

Citizen hazard patrol

By Gregory Strole’s way of thinking, he did the city a favor. But the misdemeanor charge indicates government officials in Lockland, Ohio, don’t agree. Strole pleaded not guilty to a criminal mischief charge during a July 30 arraignment for painting orange circles around some of the town’s oldest potholes. City officials in the Cincinnati suburb claim his actions are a public nuisance. But the 66-year-old’s lawyer says the retiree isn’t just highlighting local government negligence. “Really our position is that he didn’t do anything wrong, he was doing a public service,” Strole’s attorney told The Cincinnati Enquirer. “He was trying to keep people from hitting these potholes that Lockland was failing to repair.” Strole has requested a jury trial.

Delayed grad-ification

The imbroglio concerning a parrot took more than four decades to resolve, but at long last a British man has earned the right to walk at his graduation ceremony. On July 25, Jonny Clothier took part in a graduation ceremony for a degree he earned in 1983 at the University of Bristol. At the time, Clothier couldn’t attend the ceremony because he failed to pay his outstanding rent after he had to vacate his student apartment due to damage caused by a roommate’s rowdy parrot. Over the years, Clothier refused to pay the debt—less than $100—and finally the university forgave the bill. Clothier, 62, was joined at the ­ceremony by his youngest son, who earned a University of Bristol degree on the same day.

Plate insurance policy

A Scottish restaurateur is looking for ways to recoup her losses from repeatedly replacing food filched by aggressive seagulls. Kate Carter-Larg, owner of the Cheesy Toast Shack in St. Andrews, Scotland, told Fife Today that she’s pondering the addition of a $1.25 insurance policy on each order, with the promise to replace any food that goes to the birds. Previously Carter-Larg replaced roughly 30 meals a day out of her own pocket. “I can’t just sit and watch a sandwich get stolen and not replace it,” she said, “so I’ll always give another for free.”