Quick Takes

Driving while caffeinated

If Joseph Schwab is guilty, we’re all guilty. The California glazier had been scheduled to go to trial in January on the charge of driving under the influence, despite tests that showed the only drug in his system was caffeine. Schwab’s trouble began in August 2015 when an officer in an unmarked car pulled him over for cutting her off in Solano County in northern California. First he passed a Breathalyzer test on the scene that showed he had consumed no alcohol. Then when county officers ran a toxicology screen on drawn blood, the test revealed no positive result for anything—that is, except for caffeine. Now a year and a half later, officials were preparing to prosecute the 36-year-old for impaired driving, but finally dropped the charge in late December, citing a lack of evidence. They will still charge Schwab with reckless driving.

Water police

City officials in the English Channel city of Brighton and Hove had a stern warning for residents: Don’t wade into the waters over the Christmas holiday. Mild weather in the United Kingdom made the traditional Christmastime dip into the sea a particularly alluring possibility this year. But city officials decided to close public beaches anyway, warning that even if water temperature is above 50 degrees, a swimmer could catch hypothermia. Residents mostly ignored the warning and swam anyway. Even local health and welfare activist John Kapp chastised the city: “This is the nanny state, they should have better things to do.”

Bon voyage

A trio of curious French police officers accidentally shipped out with the U.S. Navy when the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower aircraft carrier weighed anchor and slipped out of the port of Marseille while the officers were sleuthing around the ship. Navy officials discovered the three non-English-speaking stowaways aboard their ship about an hour after departing the French port. The French officers had been providing security aboard the ship during its port call, but lost track of time while treating themselves to a self-guided tour of the vessel. The carrier’s crew dispatched the intruders back to Marseille aboard a harbor tug after reporting the incident to French authorities.

Corner on the diner

Restaurateurs in a tony Montreal neighborhood can thank the local government for good business in 2017. In November, Le Sud-Ouest borough officials voted unanimously to prohibit new restaurants from opening along Notre-Dame Street within 25 meters (82 feet) of an existing restaurant. For the restaurant-heavy district, the ordinance means existing eateries will face little new competition in the future. Restaurateur Carlos Ferreira said the ban was a good idea because it would help protect struggling incumbent firms. “I don’t believe in the free market anymore,” Ferreira said earlier last year. “We have to protect the good restaurants.”

Model criminals

How’s this for a challenge: A group of thieves took a British department store for about $12,000 worth of merchandise by posing as mannequins. The robbers waited until the store closed for the night before making off with expensive designer clothing. Police in Worthing, West Sussex, don’t know exactly how many culprits were part of the Nov. 14 heist, but say the thieves must have had a good knowledge of the Beales store to avoid tripping motion sensors while rifling through stock.

iPad as plate

A Michelin-starred San Francisco restaurant has an idea to bring more pizazz to its menu. Waiters at Quince are now serving a $220 meal that includes crispy white truffle croquettes served atop an iPad. According to chef Michael Tusk, the plate substitute will be playing a video titled, “A Dog in Search of Gold,” all about truffle hunting. “Truffles and where they come from is always a question that the guest asks about,” Tusk told the San Jose Mercury News. Despite the hefty price tag, customers won’t be allowed to keep the iPad.

A man named Claus

You can’t blame the security team at Facebook for being skeptical. Over Christmas the social media company temporarily blocked the account of a man billing himself as Santa Claus from the North Pole, and sent him an email saying he did not have an “acceptable ID.” The problem: The white-bearded gentleman, a councilman in the city of North Pole, Alaska, really does go by the legal name of Santa Claus. His Facebook page, which has nearly 300,000 followers, was reinstated a few days after Christmas with an apology from Facebook. “I just can’t believe somebody, particularly on Christmas, would take me to task,” said Claus, a Christian monk. He told the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner he had to prove his identity to Facebook using copies of his passport, his driver’s license, and a City Council letter.

Cold cruising

Coming home from work on a cold Canadian night, Jesse Myshak decided to stop at a Tim Hortons drive-thru for hot chocolate. One odd thing about Myshak’s Dec. 20 commute, though: He was driving to his home in Stony Plain, Alberta, aboard his Zamboni ice resurfacing machine. Myshak said he had just finished repairs to the contraption and needed to transport it home. And stopping at an iconic Canadian restaurant aboard an iconic ice resurfacing machine seemed reasonable. “The lady in front of me actually bought the hot chocolate for me,” Myshak told the CBC. “The staff told me it was the most Canadian thing they’ve ever seen.”

The flying cow

Hannah Simpson’s parents wouldn’t allow her to get a horse, so she took to riding another barnyard resident instead: a brown Swiss cow. The 18-year-old from Invercargill, New Zealand, was just 11 when she began riding bareback a cow named Lilac. Although the animal tends to be moody and dislikes wearing a saddle, Simpson has taught her to canter and to jump over obstacles more than 4 feet high. “We just jumped on and away we went, there was no training. And she’s got better the more I ride her,” Simpson told The New Zealand Herald. The teenager finally got a horse two years ago—but continues to ride the cow regularly.