Quick Takes

Worse than Oz

In a Sept. 30 event inside the Kansas Statehouse, Gov. Sam Brownback signed a proclamation declaring October to be “Zombie Preparedness Month.” Speaking to reporters, Brownback said that after consultation with his teenage son, in the event of zombie apocalypse, he might use a harvesting combine to mow them down. At the ceremony, Brownback indicated he hoped spending a month focusing on zombie threats might help Kansans prepare for more plausible but less interesting natural disaster scenarios.

Date night

If Kazuki Toyoda, 24, and Kaho Asanuma, 19, eventually get married, they’ll have quite a story for their children about their first date. On Oct. 3, the pair set out for a hike around Grouse Mountain outside of Vancouver, B.C. But the inexperienced hikers became lost and stranded in the wilderness. Thankfully, the pair had cell phone service and called for help. Six rescue workers made their way to the hikers, but had to perform a technical rescue complete with ropes and harnesses to get the two back to safety.

Head case

A Canadian man says that a Sainte-Julie, Quebec, public pool’s mandatory swim cap rule is discriminatory—against bald people. Yann Marcotte, a bald man and an amateur competitive swimmer, has been swimming at the Montreal-area pool for a dozen years until last March when pool administrators closed a loophole that allowed bald men to swim without caps on their heads. When Marcotte refused to abide by the new policy, pool managers called police and had him escorted out. Marcotte complained to the pool’s board of directors, saying with or without a cap, he wouldn’t be leaving any stray hairs in the swimming pool. Unsuccessful in his lobbying of the board, local bureaucrats, and even the mayor, Marcotte took his argument to the Canadian media, granting an interview with the CBC on Oct. 1: “When I swim [with a cap on] it’s very, very hot. ... It’s very uncomfortable.”

Money changers

Someday, Ken Slusher of Damascus, Ore., hopes, Verizon Wireless will finally make up its mind about what he owes the company. Slusher opened a Verizon account in November 2014 but canceled the service after just one month after receiving a bill for $698, which he says should have been $120. Slusher says the next statement Verizon sent asked him for just $9. Slusher says he refuses to pay until the phone company can explain how much he owes. Meanwhile, the phone giant routed the debt to collection agencies that have been plaguing Slusher for thousands of dollars. On Sept. 22, Slusher received yet another number when his home purchase became stalled because of the outstanding phone bill. A call to Verizon revealed the new amount purportedly owed: $2,156,593.64.

Football fanatic

A New Jersey priest pulled an antique firearm on a boy on Sept. 13 leading up to an important NFL rivalry game, police in Bergen County say. According to authorities, Kevin Carter, a priest at St. Margaret of Cortona Roman Catholic Church in Little Ferry, N.J., asked to see a young Dallas Cowboys fan in private at the church before a division rivalry game against the local New York Giants. At that point, police allege, Carter told the boy he was rooting for the wrong team, then ordered him to stand against a wall, pointed a Civil War musket at him, and made a verbal threat. The boy was unharmed, but a parishioner who witnessed the alleged event informed police. Carter could face charges of endangering the welfare of a child and aggravated assault.

Christmas in September

By Sept. 25, it was already beginning to sound a lot like Christmas in Birmingham, Ala. More than 90 days from Dec. 25, Birmingham’s WENN Radio dropped its normal easy-listening format for Christmas music. “We understand it’s early for Christmas music, but if the stores have decorations out we figured some folks might be ready,” program director John Olsen told the Birmingham News. According to Olsen, listeners of 100.1 FM in Birmingham should be prepared for nonstop, commercial-free Christmas until at least the end of December.

Lost and found

A Massachusetts 7-year-old scored big on a playground in Salem, Mass., on Sept. 26. Aiden Wright decided to go down the slide once more before going home when he spotted a large black checkbook. When he picked up the checkbook, the boy discovered $8,000 in cash. His uncle Daniel Wright saw Aiden pick up the checkbook and told the boy they would have to return the property. That certainly made Elias Santos happy after the contractor lost his crew’s payroll and his checkbook while playing with his children at the park. Santos made sure Aiden received a $100 reward for his discovery.

A morning with Zeek

Police were called out to a Sanford, Fla., home on Sept. 28 after a resident complained about an irrational troublemaker. The problem: A rogue monkey was sitting atop the resident’s mailbox chewing through her mail. Police arrived and coaxed the monkey away from important letters and toward the squad car using a bottle of water as a lure. The trick only worked for a time, as the monkey then jumped atop the police car and began tugging off the vehicle’s molding. The monkey’s owner reportedly happened upon the scene, identified the animal as “Zeek,” and took it home.

Losing time

Principals at a Brevard County, Fla., middle school would love to open a nearly 40-year-old time capsule—that is, if anyone can find it. In 1976, Hoover Middle School social studies teacher Jack Deppner buried a time capsule with his class containing an 8 mm camera, newspaper clippings, and assorted school paraphernalia. Deppner planned to unearth the time capsule 20 years later in 1996, but could not remember where he had buried it. Deppner died in 2005. Hoover Assistant Principal Bill Machares said the school is reaching out to alumni on Facebook to see if anyone can remember where Deppner buried the time capsule in hopes the school can open it for Hoover’s 50th anniversary in November.