Quick Takes

Squished ride

Happily for Squishy the donkey, Norman, Okla., police Officer Kyle Canaan has a spacious backseat in his cruiser. A local woman alerted Norman police on Dec. 1 that a miniature donkey was loose and wandering down a rural road. When Canaan responded to the call, the woman said she could keep the donkey in her pen, but had no way to transport the animal to her home. After sizing up the donkey, Canaan corralled the animal into the back of his squad car. If no one comes forward to claim the donkey that Canaan and the woman nicknamed Squishy, Norman police say the woman may keep it.

Taking the cake

A police officer in New Hampshire decided to atone for a shoplifter rather than arrest her after he learned the reasoning behind her crime. Officer Michael Kotsonis responded to a shoplifting call at a Portsmouth-area grocery store and went to confront the thief after discovering her identity. When the 19-year police veteran arrived at the shoplifter’s home, he learned she had stolen cake mix, shortening, and frosting in order to bake a birthday cake for her child. Instead of booking the woman, or even confiscating the stolen goods, Kotsonis returned to the store and paid for the items himself.

Friends not food

A goat meant to be the lunch of a tiger caged at an Asian zoo has instead become the big cat’s buddy. Typically, zookeepers in Vladivostok, Russia, feed Amur the Siberian tiger live prey twice a week. In November, workers at the eastern Russian zoo placed a black goat named Timur in Amur’s enclosure to serve as the cat’s next meal. But the tiger refused to dine. Instead, the goat and tiger apparently became friends, and Timur has even taken over the tiger’s bed, forcing Amur to take up residence on the roof. “The goat considers Amur his leader and follows him everywhere,” park director Dmitry Mezentsev told local media. “Amur does not regard the goat as his prey.”

Off the court

For the Cleveland Cavaliers to make a return trip to the NBA Finals, star forward LeBron James knows his team must take things seriously. To wit: The Cavaliers organization, presumably with James’ blessing, has banned motorized “hoverboards” from the arena. Other Cavaliers players had taken to the hip, Segway-like transportation device—with guard J.R. Smith famously making an entrance into the arena aboard one of the motorized scooters during last year’s finals and other players zipping around the arena during preseason practices. According to Cleveland.com, the hoverboard ban came down after James held a team meeting early in the season following some lackluster games.

High holdup

Police say Damon Matthews wore a ski mask when he held up a 7-Eleven convenience store in Bay City, Mich., on Nov. 29. But the mask wasn’t nearly enough to hide the 19-year-old’s identity. According to video surveillance, a masked man towering more than 7 feet tall entered the 7-Eleven and pilfered cash and several packs of cigarettes at knifepoint. A store employee recognized not Matthews’ face but rather his 7-foot-4-inch frame. After coaxing from his sister, Matthews turned himself in and was charged with felony armed robbery.

Press Pass

Quarterbacking an NFL team can be a lonely job. And San Francisco 49ers quarterback Blaine Gabbert has discovered just how lonely it can be. On Nov. 25, Gabbert arrived at a team facility expecting to answer questions at a midweek press conference. Problem: No one in the media showed up to ask questions. Instead of gabbing with reporters, Gabbert sat quietly in the first row waiting for scribes who never appeared. San Francisco officials blamed themselves for the poorly attended presser, saying they forgot to include Gabbert’s media availability on a schedule passed out to reporters.

Cream puff probe

A police investigation into the theft of cream pastries from a U.K. police department refrigerator has been closed due to lack of evidence. In June, someone swiped a batch of assorted pastries from police headquarters in Ashton-under-Lyne, Greater Manchester. Police followed up on leads and eventually arrested a subcontractor at the station for the theft. But department authorities were unable to build a credible case against the subcontractor, despite sharing their office with a police forensic unit. They finally dropped the case in November.

Little park ranger

A Sacramento, Calif., mother faces criminal charges for letting her 4-year-old son play alone outside. Neighbors at her gated apartment complex became suspicious after spotting Sonya Hendren’s son Tomahawk playing alone at the complex’s playground. According to police, the neighbors asked Tomahawk to go home, but he replied that he wasn’t done playing. That’s when the neighbors phoned police and Child Protective Services took over. Hendren rejected a plea deal offered by authorities, saying she believed in “free-range” children and had done nothing wrong. “Obviously, I’m avoiding helicopter parenting,” she told KTXL television. If convicted on child endangerment charges, Hendren faces up to six months in jail.

Turtle run

A man caught with turtles in his britches pleaded guilty in a federal court Dec. 1 to smuggling. In 2014, wildlife authorities found 27-year-old Canadian citizen Kai Xu with 51 small diamondback terrapins taped to his legs. According to Xu’s testimony, he routinely purchased the edible turtles in the United States and then would smuggle them across the border into Canada before shipping the animals to China, where they are prized in soup. He was able to sell the turtles for as much as three times the price he paid. Ultimately a Detroit courier became suspicious of the Canadian and tipped off U.S. Fish and Wildlife agents, who watched as Xu hid the terrapins beneath his baggy sweatpants. The illegal turtle trader could spend up to 10 years in prison.