Quick Takes

Where to?

A drunken Toronto man unwittingly turned himself in to Canadian authorities on Aug. 6, perhaps because he couldn’t find a convenient taxi. An officer with the local constabulary said the unnamed man drunkenly got into a police cruiser after mistaking it—somehow—for a taxicab. While checking the intoxicated man’s identification, the officer discovered he had an outstanding warrant, and promptly arrested him.

Band of burglars

A group of five North Carolina burglars pressed their luck on Aug. 5 by trying to break into the same house twice in one evening. According to Charlotte-Mecklenburg, N.C., police, a homeowner arrived at his town house only to discover a group of men attempting to break in. The owner left the scene undetected and phoned police, who arrived to find the dwelling empty. But as police investigated the scene, three of the original five burglars again tried to break into the home. According to police, the burglars quickly discovered the home was no longer empty and tried to flee, but were swiftly apprehended.

No resemblance

A statue of the late actress Lucille Ball dubbed “Scary Lucy” in a New York town has finally been replaced. Ever since it was installed in Ball’s hometown of Celoron, N.Y., residents have complained the life-size bronze statue was ugly. Last year, Buffalo News columnist Colin Dabkowski wrote that “its deranged grimace and jagged teeth inspire more dread than reverence.” On Aug. 6, though—what would have been Ball’s 105th birthday—Celoron Mayor Scott Schrecengost unveiled a more lifelike statue. Fans can still see Scary Lucy at another location nearby.

In memoriam

Nobody would blame motorists in Boulder, Colo., for looking twice while traveling Table Mesa Drive on Aug. 4. City workers reported that a man pulled over and tied a helium sympathy balloon to a dead raccoon in the roadway, took a picture with his phone, and then drove away, leaving morning rush hour motorists bewildered. The Boulder Daily Camera reported the sympathy balloon read, “Get Well Soon!” Internet culture site BuzzFeed has documented the rise of roadkill sympathy balloons as an internet meme.

Press 2 for pepperoni

Call it progress: Xavier University has proudly installed a new automated pizza dispenser. The Cincinnati, Ohio, school reported the “Pizza ATM” will be ready for students attending its campus this fall and will contain a stockpile of 70 pizzas, sold for $10 per pie. According to Paline, the French company that built the machine, it’s the first of its kind in the United States.

Apartment switcheroo

A Carlisle, U.K., man ran into an unusual problem while trying to sell his apartment. As soon as Chris Meyer tried to list his apartment for sale, he learned he didn’t actually own it—even though he had been living in it for the past six years. Instead, he owned his neighbor’s apartment, at least on paper. “Basically, I live in Number 8 and thought I had bought Number 8,” Meyer told the Carlisle News & Star. “But Land Registry documents show that I actually own Number 9.” It gets worse. After learning of Meyer’s problem, other residents in the building checked government records only to discover that a total of 10 residents do not own the apartments they presently live in.

Hard lesson

The NFL’s Hall of Fame game did not have a hall-of-fame gridiron. The Canton, Ohio, preseason game scheduled for Aug. 7 between Green Bay and Indianapolis had to be canceled because of a botched logo in the middle of the field. The Tom Benson Hall of Fame Stadium grounds crew rushed to prepare the field for the game following a Tim McGraw concert. But the paint used for midfield and the end zones hardened over the artificial surface and prevented players’ cleats from penetrating. Players described the surface as hard as concrete, and the league finally canceled the game just before kickoff.

Too hot to hock

The burglary went smoothly enough, but the fencing was a disaster. Clarksville, Tenn., police say a male and female burglary duo broke into a nearby home and stole items earlier this year. Police said Jeremy Watts and Jessica Heady took the plundered items into a pawnshop on Aug. 2—but didn’t realize the pawnshop owner was the same man whose home they had allegedly burglarized. Police said the owner recognized the goods immediately and telephoned the authorities. The two suspects were arrested and booked into the Montgomery County Jail.

Nose dive

A group of young children enjoying an outdoor pool in California got an unexpected swimming partner on Aug. 11. The children ages 3 to 6 were taking summer swimming lessons at King Middle School in Berkeley when a fawn ran across the pool deck and dove into the water. The kids left the pool while staff used a life jacket to float the small deer to safety. City parks official Denise Brown told KPIX that park staffers are trained to deal with a lot of emergencies “but never a deer in the pool.”

Stadium: Paul Spinelli/ap • Scary Lucy: The Post-Journal/ap • statue: REUTERS/Newscom

Watts, heady: Clarksville Police Department • deer: KPIXraccoon: Sarah Kuta/Daily Camera • police cruiser: Stewart Rand/flickr • Pizza ATM: NBC news • illustration: krieg barrie • Meyer: CATERS NEWS