Passive fathers, sexually lost sons

I remain shocked at the number of young men whose father never talked to them about masculine sexuality. Last weekend I led a breakout session titled "Transforming Male Sexuality" at the Jubilee Conference in Pittsburgh for college students. Out of the 70 guys in this men's only discussion only 3 of them raised their hands to the question, "How many of your Dads sat you down and talked to you about your sexuality?" If boys do not learn about God's design for their sexuality from their fathers, from where will this wisdom come? Movies? Music? Peers?

Sadly, young guys are left to fend for themselves in an openly sex-crazed, gender-confused culture. While many fathers may discuss the biology of reproduction very few bravely go beyond that. Cowardice and passivity prevail as fathers watch their sons walk into the fire that is lust. They fail to offer any warnings, techniques, or tools to their vulnerable young sons as they battle the blaze.

It is disastrous for a father to flee from openly discussing with his son the realities of both the glory and brokenness of male sexuality. This is a father's job--to draw from God's wisdom for us as men and prepare his sons for the issues in life that await them (Prov. 5). Telling sons simply to "not sin" and "hold on until marriage" does not form them. Boys need life-long formation regarding what it means to walk the road of chastity. They need to be trained how to spiritually, emotionally, and physically love women in a way that is pleasing to God and brings joy to a wife.

Fathers, be active and brave. Walk with your sons and be honest about your own struggles, successes, and failures with sexual purity. Demonstrate to them what it means to live in absolute dependence on the Holy Spirit. This is not a one-time conversation. Fathers serve as a reservoir of wisdom for identity throughout the son's life. There is no better person for this than a boy's father (Deut. 6:4-6).

Sons without Godly fathers, seek out men in the church to step up and bless you by teaching you the truth. You may need to initiate and lead older men by asking them questions. The silence must end today. It's never too late to start because the fire awaits and many have already been badly burned.