Parental blind spots

A friend and I had lunch last week, and because we have 11 children between us, the topic of our kids came up somewhere between the front door and the counter at Starbucks. At one point in our rapid-fire conversation she turned to me and said, "Sometimes I fear I am raising little Pharisees."

Wow. How honest. Especially coming from a mom, a member of what is universally known to be the most loyal of people groups. Why not? We bear these children, keep them alive, discipline and instruct them, sometimes educate them, and dedicate ourselves to their betterment for almost half our lives.

All of which is well and good, but sometimes our loyalty blinds us toward glaring problems in our offspring.

For example, think of your friend's children. It is, after all, so much easier to see their flaws than our own.

One child is so naughty even her own grandparents don't want to babysit her. Another is such a picky eater that inviting the family over for supper is a recipe for stew, as in you stewing all night long over his parents who seem to have no trouble making separate dinners for him or enticing him to eat by cooing at him like a 6-month-old baby. Or take your friend's child who hits or kicks her on a regular basis. She's so used to being treated that way it doesn't seem to bother her, but you silently want to grind your own heel into that child's foot. Some mothers don't make their children write thank you notes or express gratitude when leaving a play date. Others allow their children to break things in your home with nothing more than a tsk, tsk, Jonny, oh you sweet thing, you.

Perhaps we are blind to a certain behavioral issue in one of our children: snotty behavior, pouting, feeling sorry for herself, manipulation, moodiness. Perhaps we are blind to something our whole family does like eating rudely, leaving a friends' house in pigsty condition, having personal hygiene impairment, or hogging any and all conversations. Perhaps we're "inbred" and really don't like other people at all and think our jokes are much, much funnier than anyone else's. Perhaps we abuse other people's hospitality, take their kindness for granted, or visibly prefer our children to theirs. Some men bully their sons. Some women coddle their daughters. All seemingly without the slightest inkling why you avoid getting together with them.

I can't think of a single family, mine included, who doesn't have blind spots. Those who insist they don't are probably the most blind. Christianity doesn't excuse us and may even make us more unaware of our weaknesses. Ever had some kid walk into your house, take one look at your TV and say, "People who watch movies are going to hell," while his mother looks on with an expression on her face that says, "I am SO proud of his ability to call a spade a spade"?

If we care about our kids, if we care about being the aroma of Christ in this world, it would behoove us to gird our loins and find out where our blind spots are. We need to be big boys and girls and have the courage to ask those closest to us if they've noticed anything we need to work on as parents, any gaps in our discipline, what ugly traits they consistently see in our children.

It won't be easy to hear, but if we love Jonny like we say we do, developing a skin thick enough to withstand some constructive criticism just might be the best thing we can do for him.