Opening the American heart

More than three decades ago, philosopher Allan Bloom wrote the unexpected bestselling nonfiction book of the summer, The Closing of the American Mind with the provocative subtitle How Higher Education Has Failed Democracy and Impoverished the Souls of Today’s Students.

A generation later, Brad Wilcox, professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, moves the focus to what he describes as the closing of the American heart. “The American heart is closing before our very eyes,” he writes. “Our civilization is in the midst of an epochal shift, a shift away from marriage and all the fruits that follow from this most fundamental social institution: children, kin, financial stability, and innumerable opportunities to love and be loved by another.” Wilcox argues that “so many of the biggest problems across America are rooted in the collapse of marriage and family life.”

This sad state of marriage could have prompted Wilcox the professor to write a foreboding book detailing the extent of the sociological phenomenon from which readers could draw their own conclusions. He delivers sociological analysis but also a passionate appeal that’s clear in the imperative of the book’s title: Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization (Broadside Books 2024).

Wilcox limits his grim analysis of “The Closing of the American Heart” to the first chapter then gets to work urging readers to open their hearts to the goodness of marriage in spite of the influential voices and popular myths against it. He lays out the most critical anti-marriage claims, such as those by uber-influential kickboxer Andrew Tate that there is “zero advantage to marriage in the Western world for a man,” or the Bloomberg article titled “Women Who Stay Single and Don’t Have Kids Are Getting Richer,” then presents data and compelling stories showing what is actually true.

Drawn from extensive and authoritative sources, his research is much more convincing than the meme-level claims and stats that influence so many young adults, and the people he presents behind that research illustrate the consequences—for better or worse—of what we believe about marriage and family. Notable among the men and women Wilcox profiles are those he describes as “The Masters of Marriage”: Asian Americans, Conservatives, The Faithful, and Strivers. Each of these categories stand out as exceptions to the marriage recession, and their countercultural beliefs and behaviors lead to happy and thriving marriages.

The section on The Faithful—religious believers who regularly attend church, synagogue, mosque, or temple—illustrates both the spiritual and practical influences of faith. He shows how it “endows their marriages and family lives with deep spiritual significance” and causes them to look beyond themselves and believe that “the institution of marriage is good for the well-being of kids, communities, and the country.” Additionally, regular churchgoers may take for granted a benefit Wilcox identifies—how fellow adherents “can provide practical, social, emotional, and even financial support when it comes to handling the ups and downs of modern family life.”

Unsurprisingly, this work of sociology isn’t a how-to book for achieving a happy marriage, but it does provide a surprising wealth of insights toward that end. Ultimately, the book’s greatest potential lies in its courageous appeal to the next generation in our own homes, churches, and communities.

His closing plea aims at re-opening the American heart: “… for your own sake—and, indeed, the sake of our civilization—I urge you: If you’re married, honor your commitment to love and cherish your spouse and any children you may have all the days of your life. And if you haven’t tied the knot, then, with wisdom, seek out one worthy of your heart, and get married. It’s one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.”