Mr. and Mrs. K

I tutor a Korean lady on Thursdays. As an English assignment I had her write something about her family. The little essay she produced mentioned getting married in 1989. While proofreading it with her, I asked a follow-up question: "So when did you first meet your husband?" She answered, "1989." "So you met in 1989 and wed in 1989," I responded. "Short courtship, eh?"

The word "courtship" did not compute. After a minute or so of fractured communication we fumbled our way to understanding: Hers had been an arranged marriage, of the kind I was not unfamiliar with among Koreans of a certain generation.

Mrs. K and her husband are presently separated by a few time zones for the next nine months. But they are making the most of daily email and Skype, both jonesing for each other after 20 years.

What is it, I asked myself, that accounts for the fact that two strangers, brought together by a Korean matchmaker or their parents' unromantic calculations, enjoy a happy union, while half of United States' marriages end in divorce, though the couple had the benefit of shopping around and dating and falling in love?

I'm guessing that falling in love gets you in the door but doesn't keep you there, not unless it goes in yoked with commitment. And I'm guessing that if Mrs. K and Mr. K had no romance to start with, they had to make the most of only commitment.

And I'm guessing that where there is an initial romance, commitment doesn't necessarily come around; but where there is an initial commitment, romance does.

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