Love in the age of Roe

It’s nice to know kids are still trading Valentines in elementary school, but the current high-school romance scene has, shall we say, evolved from the late 1960s.

Back then, everybody knew the girls who “did it.” Pushing the limits was socially acceptable, but going all the way wasn’t cool. I don’t even recall hearing the term “having sex” until several years after graduation—we used euphemisms. Sex wasn’t something you had; it was something that had you: something that demanded too much and carried too great a risk to indulge so soon. It wasn’t just the risk of pregnancy, but of reputation and self-respect. Even then, during the early tremors of the sexual revolution, the vast majority of girls got through high school with their virginity intact, though they might not fare so well in college.

Roe v. Wade was decided in 1973 and made it official: Equal rights meant that women had the same right to sex-without-consequence as men. Two years later, children’s author Judy Blume published a novel for teens called Forever. The two events are not unrelated.

Nature can be manipulated but not thwarted. What is indulged in one area comes around to bite us in another.

Forever tells the story of Katherine and Michael, both 16, who meet at a party and fall in love. Previous teen novels would put obstacles in the path of romance before a happy conclusion, but this couple doesn’t mess around with plot points. After months of wanting sex and talking about sex, they have sex, and despite an awkward start it gets better and better. Their love seems bound for eternity until Kathy takes a summer camp counseling job and falls for an older guy. Michael is devastated, but he’ll get over it. “Forever” turns out to be ironic.

Judy Blume has said that she wrote the book in response to her daughter’s request for a graphic teen romance where nobody dies at the end. But the relationship dies, and something else: a sense of caution and respect. Though often challenged by parents, Forever remains on library shelves everywhere, reassuring kids as young as 12 (whose grandmothers used to furtively pass around copies of Peyton Place) that it’s Perfectly Normal to explore sex in high school; just use protection.

The message of Forever, and Roe v. Wade, is terribly deceptive. Though abortion supporters and some YA authors preach fervently about the physical consequences of teen sex, there’s no “protection” from the emotional consequences, especially for girls. In Forever, Kathy turns out to be the adventurous one, while Michael feels betrayed—but it’s usually the other way around. Most girls still long for stability in the arms of one who will love them forever, while boys are prone to wander, especially if they’re not held to a higher standard. Roe gave sanction to a lower standard, stretching wider the gulf of distrust between the sexes.

Nature can be manipulated but not thwarted. What is indulged in one area comes around to bite us in another—or else why do two generations of smart, educated, “liberated” women gobble three volumes of sludge about sexual bondage (Fifty Shades of Grey)? Why do young urban professional women display themselves on “dating apps” like Tinder? The court decision that was supposed to liberate women actually enabled men (some of them) to be the soulless cads radical feminists always said they were—and it didn’t work the other way around. Even Cosmo expressed female dissatisfaction a couple of years ago with an article called “Why Is College Dating So Messed Up?”

When our adolescent daughters moon over romance novels, whether trashy, gushy, or snarky, they’re longing for love just like their fictional heroines. Before dreams of romance turn cynical, they could learn some useful lessons from literature, such as how Jane Eyre managed her passion for Mr. Rochester, how Fantine’s romantic fantasies burned to ashes in Les Misérables, and how sweet love is when it waits the proper time (Pride and Prejudice). Roe helped make true love harder to find, so young people must be taught how to look—and how to accept no substitutes for the one Love that lasts forever.

Email jcheaney@wng.org