Digital detox

When Hollywood celebrities hand out Oscars on Feb. 22, millions of Americans will be watching not only on television but on tablets, smartphones, and other devices. Many Americans celebrate our digital age, but stay-at-home mom Andrea Phillips, 36, wants her kids to be kids, not just media consumers. She remembers gleefully opening her first email account as a college student, and reflects that her oldest son, Grayson, 8, has Facebook friends, reads books on his Kindle, and often prefers iPad games over Legos.

Andrea and her husband Ryan, 32, have reluctantly adapted to the digital age. They hardly use their iPad. Both just purchased their first smartphones so they can “face time” relatives after moving from Portsmouth, Va., to Japan with the Navy. Still, Andrea limits herself to checking email and social media twice a day: “I know my tendency would be to check it all the time. I want to set a good example.”

When it comes to the family’s electronic devices, though, Grayson and his brothers Jack, 6, and Nicolas, 3, are less reluctant than their intake-monitoring parents. Other couples also express concern about the proliferation of household screens—tablets, smartphones, televisions, desktops, laptops, and game systems. Andrea worries: “We are navigating something our parents never had to deal with.”

Nearly three decades ago a Harvard study first linked children’s television habits to obesity. Now researchers have connected kids’ screen time to poor sleep habits and declining social and academic performance. A recent UCLA study found that sixth-graders who spent a week unplugged from electronics were able to read facial emotions and other nonverbal cues better than those with access to devices. Last year the American Academy of Pediatrics warned parents to limit screen time to two hours for kids older than 2 and advised keeping younger ones totally off screens.

Parents search for ways to deal with the temptations that exist in this screen-saturated era. The Phillipses keep televisions and computers out of bedrooms. Only after homework and chores does Andrea let the boys choose among computer games (their current favorites include Medieval Math and Minion Rush) and carefully chosen television programs. Ryan is more apt to encourage the boys to go outside or read. On a recent day-long road trip the boys used Kindles but took breaks every hour.

Andrea sees “a difference in behavior” when her boys have had too much screen time. She allowed the younger boys to use the iPad during their brother’s karate lesson, but took away the privilege when it led to more arguments, and she gave away their Wii after three months when it led to more bickering.

One family in Davidson, N.C., went further. Steve Robinson, 39, and his wife Renee, 38, proposed a month-long, family-wide fast from screens. At first their three kids panicked, but boredom gave way to creativity: Instead of watching TV, Jacob, 11, ventured into the kitchen and began helping Renee cook dinner. Zachery, 9, discovered tools in the garage. Andrew, 5, used Lego and Kapla blocks. Board games and other activities replaced evening television.

The Robinsons’ technology fast led to more fasts—and new habits.

Now, when the Robinsons head to Little League games, swim meets, or the store, their handheld devices stay home. As the boys have gotten older, the Robinsons have made adjustments. They recently allowed Zachery to save up and purchase a DS player, and grandparents bought the boys a Wii. Renee says staying consistent with screen limits is challenging. They’ve enforced the 30-minute rule for a year, but Andrew still asks for more.

Sometimes the boys resent feeling different. They were embarrassed when a drugstore clerk observed that they were the first children she had seen all day without a handheld device. They sometimes find it awkward to be the only kids without phones or iPads, and unable at school to re-enact video games with their friends.

Last January Renee posted an open letter to her sons on her blog. She explained the reason behind the screen limits: “I want to talk to you when we are out to eat. I want to listen to your questions. … I want to allow space for conversation that can take us deeper. And if you are always distracted with electronics … I might miss those moments.” She wrote, “When I tell you no to devices, I’m giving you a gift … a gift of relationship. True human connection.”

Renee’s letter received 14,000 views overnight and has since garnered 1.5 million views. Some comments were “downright nasty,” and some commenters felt judged for having a more lax approach to their children’s technology use. Still, many commenters said they felt trapped by the culture and their children’s well-established technology habits. Renee can relate: “It’s easy to get so busy and caught up in our daily lives that we don’t consider the impact our choices are having.”