Compliments as currency

Flattery is defined online as “excessive and insincere praise, especially that given to further one’s own interests.”

The “given to further one’s own interests” part of that definition is the part never admitted to by the practitioner of the flattery, of course, and he would deny it up and down if confronted with the charge—which makes the author of that definition impressively insightful into human motivation, seems to me.

Willis Goth Regier, author of In Praise of Flattery, concurs: “That’s my definition of flattery. You praise in order to get something.”

But what does the flatterer get? My impression is that the coveted rewards of flattery are often not even particularly tangible or monetarily lucrative. Most flattery is not doled out in quid pro quos for perks or cabinet positions. The personal interests to be furthered by flattery are usually nothing more than the momentary good feeling of mutual admiration. For this effervescent and evanescent thrill, one sees TV journalists who otherwise fancy themselves hardheaded news guys, kissing up to whichever candidate is in the studio. It is quite embarrassing to behold, like watching someone flirting.

So used to flattery are we that sincerity seems like rudeness.

It is amusing to watch how hard the flatterer works so as to flatter while not looking as if he were. As the saying goes: “What the world wants these days is sincerity; if you can fake that you’ve got it made.” Therefore the blandishments emitted by the flatterer must appear to be spontaneous and arising from authentic amazement at the excellence of their object. This is because in fact nobody likes a flatterer, so one must pull off the trick of effectively buttering up the victim while presenting as hard-nosed and impervious to flattery.

I have come across few people who are utterly impervious to flattery, one of them being Temple Grandin, an autistic woman of some accomplishments in the field of humane cattle slaughtering. On National Public Radio, an interviewer doled out the usual compliments, not over the top but of the mild and common variety that forms the lubrication of daily social interaction. Grandin didn’t pick up on it and therefore did not perform her part of the obligatory pas de deux by returning the volley with the customary self-deprecations. I daresay the interviewer was taken aback; the technique had always worked before. To remove cultural flattery from the currency of conversation is to leave us quite at a loss as to an alternative form of communication.

Jesus was also impervious to flattery. “This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, ‘Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.’” (John 3:2). “‘Teacher, we know that you are true and do not care about anyone’s opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances but truly teach the way of God. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?’” (Mark 12:14). In both cases, Jesus totally ignores the flattery and gets to the subject he wishes to address. God is not like man, that he should fall for manipulation.

Paul the Apostle was like Jesus in this regard. Compare the effusive snow job of the orator Tertullus, before the judgment seat of Felix, to Paul’s adequately polite manner of address (Acts 24:1-11). See also Paul’s lack of schmoozing with the other apostles. Of the likes of Peter and James he narrates, “And from those who seemed to be influential (what they were makes no difference to me; God shows no partiality)—those, I say, who seemed influential added nothing to me” (Galatians 2:6). Bracing as ice water to the face.

This is why a lot of people, particularly women, don’t like Paul. So used to flattery are we that sincerity seems like rudeness. But the truth is that it is flattery that insults, and flattery that is demeaning, for he who flatters evinces a low regard for the target of his artistry, thinking the other is of such menial mental ability that he can be turned from his integrity by nothing more than admiration for his cravat.

Beware the flatterers this campaign season. For “a man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet” (Proverbs 29:5).

Email aseupeterson@wng.org