Being polite

Last week I spent eight days in Michigan with three other people under the same roof, and we were all being very polite to each other.

I just now looked up the word "polite" and read: "having or showing respectful or considerate behavior." So that's a good thing, not a bad thing. (In common parlance, one finds the word "polite" sometimes given a negative connotation, as if it were disingenuousness or insincerity. But that's not necessarily the case.)

So I didn't start eating before other people started. And I made a point to say good-bye to everyone in the house before going out. And I offered to do the dishes. And I was very careful to discern the other occupants' morning bathroom habits before concluding when the best time was to take a shower. And I was mindful of encouraging and thanking for small and great deeds done for me. Etc.

At first I thought: "How long can I keep this up? I can't wait to get home, where I can be myself." Then I thought, there's something wrong with that attitude. What was I saying-that I couldn't wait to get home where I could be rude and inconsiderate and boorish?

By the end of my time in Michigan, it occurred to me that if I was able to "pull off" politeness for eight days in someone's home in Lake Orion, why can't I just sustain the practice for a little bit longer in Glenside? Say, 20 more years.

By the grace of God, we find that we are able to "put off" any bad habit and "put on" any good one. That is what grace is for-to walk in it and live in it. True, I don't find the word "polite" in Scripture, but there are lots of synonyms, like "considerate" (1 Peter 3:7), and "not rude … or irritable …" (1 Corinthians 13:5).

A sponsor from AA years ago told an irritable woman I knew that she should treat her husband like she would a stranger. Now, of course, in some contexts that would be terrible advice: We should treat our husbands better than strangers. But the point was well taken: Sometimes the treatment we to give a stranger would be a step up from our conduct at home.