'B' is for bogus

Someone in our Saturday morning women’s prayer group prayed for LGBT people to come to faith in Christ. For some reason, it made me suddenly fix on the “B” part of the acronym—“bisexual.”

I think this is because all the individuals we had interceded for up to that moment, since 7:30 a.m., had been sufferers of ailments like cancer and back pain. These are certifiable conditions. Even many lesbian (L), gay (G), and transgendered people (T) are arguably sufferers in some way. (Who would go through the trouble and financial burden of surgical anatomical alterations if he weren’t suffering—if only from profound confusion?)

But “B,” or bisexual, means that you have sex with both males and females, right? What’s up with that?

My friend Bill has a friend who enjoys a ride aboard the LGBT quasi–civil rights bandwagon in the “B” category. Bill finally said to him one day, “OK, so you’re bisexual, not homosexual and not heterosexual. Doesn’t that mean you fool around with whoever you want to?” After a pause, his friend answered, “Pretty much.”

When I was a kid, my cousins and I put on a play in our grandfather’s barn. It was a big production and we practiced for weeks, made props, hung curtains, and sold tickets. Our parents and some neighbors came and paid admission. After the show, all the cousins raided the money jar to split the take, and Donald Barrette from next door, who had done nothing but lend his red wagon for one of the scenes, walked away with as much money as the rest of us (which was actually my fault, but that’s too long a story). The cousins were angry by the way Donald slyly infiltrated our ranks and cashed in unseen on the coattails of the thespian afterglow.

I feel that way about the “B” people in LGBT. The LGT guys should be asking themselves about now, “What’s with this ‘B’ guy standing over there in a circle having laughs and a martini at our party? He’s not a real anything! He’s not hard-wired homosexual or a tortured misfit in his own body trying to climb out; he’s just coming along for a free ride. He makes us look bad, because intelligent people will come to their senses and say to themselves, ‘The whole LGBT movement is as phony as a three-dollar bill; look at this “B” thing in the middle that’s just clear-cut straight-up promiscuity.’ This ‘B’ guy blows our cover!”

If there were a book for gays with parables in it like the Bible, the “B” guy would be the one at the wedding feast who gets kicked out when it is noticed by his lack of proper wedding attire that he is an imposter.