"Any stigma will beat a dogma"

I've been reading a collection of essays by Dorothy Sayers, novelist, playwright, and theologian. She was fond of chastising self-styled atheists for knowing little of the dogma they claim to reject, and self-assured Christians for knowing scarcely more than the atheists. In "Creed or Chaos?" she wrote:

"Apart from a possible one per cent of intelligent and instructed Christians, there are three kinds of people we have to deal with. There are the frank and open heathen, whose notions of Christianity are a dreadful jumble of rags and tags of Bible anecdote and clotted mythological nonsense. There are the ignorant Christians, who combine a mild gentle-Jesus sentimentality with vaguely humanistic ethics--most of these are Arian heretics. Finally, there are the more or less instructed church-goers, who know all the arguments about divorce and auricular confession and communion in two kinds, but are about as well equipped to do battle on fundamentals against a Marxian atheist or a Wellsian agnostic as a boy with a pea-shooter facing a fan-fire of machine-guns."

It's hard to accept Paul's admonition against women speaking out in church after reading that. In "The Dogma is the Drama" Sayers offers the answers that a typical know-nothing might offer when quizzed about Christianity, from which, a sampling:

Q: What does the Church think of God the Father?

A: He is omnipotent and holy. He created the world and imposed on man conditions impossible of fulfilment; He is very angry if these are not carried out. He sometimes interferes by means of arbitrary judgments and miracles, distributed with a good deal of favouritism. He likes to be truckled to and is always ready to pounce on anybody who trips over a difficulty in the Law, or is having a bit of fun. He is rather like a dictator, only larger and more arbitrary.

Q: What was Jesus Christ like in real life?

A: ...He was meek and mild and preached a simple religion of love and pacifism...If we try to live like Him, God the Father will let us off being damned hereafter and only have us tortured in this life instead.

Q: What does the Church think of God the Holy Ghost?

A: I don't know exactly...There is a sin against Him which damns you for ever, but nobody knows what it is.

Q: What is the doctrine of the Trinity?

A: The Father incomprehensible, the Son incomprehensible, and the whole thing incomprehensible.

Q: What are the seven Christian virtues?

A: Respectability; childishness; mental timidity; dullness; sentimentality; censoriousness; and depression of spirits.

Writing in 1949, Sayers couldn't access the Gospel of the Liberal Media -- as revealed to Saints Limbaugh and O'Reilly -- to explain away this sad impression of Christian dogma among the unchurched, and so she blamed the average Christian. He knows little better, was her contention, and behaves as if he believes far less than he knows.

This got me thinking about what other answers about dogma we might expect from the average man on the street. Here are some possibilities I came up with:

Q: What is the chief end of man?

A: To be a good boy.

Q: What must one do to be admitted to Heaven?

A: Not be homosexual. Also, don't commit crimes, quit fornicating, and for good measure you'd best leave off most other physical pleasures as well. Stay away from pornography, go to church regularly, and avoid the really bad curse words. No gambling either, unless the lottery gets above $100 million, but then only if you're prepared to tithe a full 10 percent of your winnings.

Q: What about gossip, slander, backbiting, and dissent?

A: They're perfectly fine before and after the church service, but keep quiet during the sermon.

Q: Is every word in the Bible really the inerrant word of God, profitable for reproof and instruction?

A: Absolutely, depending on how you interpret the head covering section, and that bit about a wealthy man needing to give away his riches, which is, you need to understand, highly metaphorical, and applicable to that one individual.

Q: How should a Christian live?

A: Don't sin, and keep track of your neighbor's sin.

Q: What about that part in the Bible regarding the mote and the log?

A: It means don't criticize Christians.

So I'm curious -- what Qs and As would you add? Whether it's the Biased Media or Christians themselves that cause it, what are some common misconceptions about Christian dogma?