Ambushed by an earworm

After yesterday’s column my editor said, “Thanks to you, I have ‘I Me Mine’ going through my head this morning.”

Ah! The notorious “earworm” got to him! The earworm is a curious phenomenon indeed, about which I happen to have done some contemplating. It attacks when one least expects it, when one is minding one’s business liberally applying one’s peremptory red pen to a poor underling website contributor’s column.

Why is it that a snatch of a tune or a lyric can take over our day, against our own will, and tyrannize us in spite of our best efforts to disencumber ourselves of it, not departing until such time as it pleases to leave of its own accord?

Some may say I make too much of it—that an earworm (aka “songworm,” or “brainworm”) is just an earworm and nothing more. But I cannot rest satisfied with that dismissive attitude. And to scientists who vainly think to have explained the matter away by assigning to the dastardly plague such fancy names as “musical imagery repetition,” or “involuntary musical imagery,” or “stuck song syndrome,” I will insist that a label is not an explanation.

Earworms may possibly be the oldest kind of worm known to man, the book of Acts itself attesting to its existence in ancient times. An earworm ambushed the apostle Paul the apostle as he walked along unsuspectingly in Philippi:

“As we were going to the place of prayer, we were met by a slave girl who had a spirit of divination and brought her owners much gain by fortune-telling. She followed Paul and us, crying out, ‘These men are servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to you the way of salvation.’ And this she kept doing for many days. Paul, having become greatly annoyed, turned and said to the spirit, ‘I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her.’ And it came out that very hour’ (Acts 16:16–18, ESV).

Do not tell me that wasn’t a first century instance of “earworm”: the repeated lyrics, the unbearable annoyance, the derailing of its victim from his task. And did you notice something remarkable about the case, which illustrates a most surprising thing about earworm? It is not only silly tunes like George Harrison’s “I Me Mine” that can get stuck in your head and drive you mad; the tormentor may even use religious words. How about that? How clever is Satan!

And finally we must notice the solution to earworm, for what good is this rant unless there is hope? The nostrum does not lie with science, as is foolishly supposed. The British Journal of Psychology did a study of earworm, and proclaimed at the end of all its troubles that earworms are usually 15- to 30-seconds long. This use of Her Majesty’s moneys should give you insight into why Brits may pay 50 percent of their earnings in taxes.

One interesting fact about earworm, which I will end with, is that people who are obsessive-compulsive are more likely to suffer earworm attacks than the general population. But that information is just between you and me. Do not tell my editor. Please.

Andrée Seu Peterson’s Won’t Let You Go Unless You Bless Me, regularly $12.95, is now available from WORLD for only $5.95.