All the president's videos

It's not as though the entertainment industry didn't try to warn audiences ahead of time of their beloved president's predilections-filmed in their best light, of course. A quick tour of the local video store testifies to President Clinton's heroic popularity in Tinseltown. Herewith, a quick charting of all the president's videos:

Absolute Power Distributor: Sony Pictures. Director: Clint Eastwood. Genre: Political Cat-and-Mouse Action. Presidential impersonator & co-stars: Gene Hackman, Clint Eastwood, Ed Harris. Bill Clinton as: Insincere sado-masochistic murderer. Highlights: Never a dull moment; clever plot twists, especially when accomplice to murder flaunts a necklace worn by the victim at president's reception. Lowlights: Too much sexual exposure and extremely violent murder. Can the children watch? Rated R for violence, sexuality, and language. Audiences may not want to rent this film due to "in your face" treatment of the crime. World class rating: Avoidable.

Air Force One Distributor: Sony Pictures. Director: Wolfgang Petersen. Genre: Suspense Thriller. Presidential impersonator & co-stars: Harrison Ford, Glenn Close. Bill Clinton as: Rambo Highlights: Special effects, good acting, and a pounding sound track. Lowlights: PC messages re: feminism, foreign policy, the military. Can the children watch? Rated R for violence, profanity. World class rating: Action.

The American President Distributor: Columbia Pictures. Director: Rob Reiner. Genre: Romantic Comedy. Presidential impersonator & co-stars: Michael Douglas, Annette Bening. Bill Clinton as: A sensitive, swinging widower. Highlights: The lavish sets. Lowlights: The seduction and "escape" of the girlfriend from the Lincoln bedroom; cheap shots at conservatives; twisted moral values. Can the children watch? Rated PG-13 for strong language; situational ethics and lax sexual mores promoted. World class rating: Impotent.

Dave Distributor: Warner Bros. Director: Ivan Reitman. Genre: Politically Correct Comedy. Presidential impersonator & co-stars: Kevin Kline, Sigourney Weaver. Bill Clinton as: Sensitive presidential impersonator. Highlights: "I think there are certain things you should expect from your president. I ought to care more about you than about me ... more about what's right that what's popular." Lowlights: The impersonator takes after FDR in his politics. Can the children watch? Rated PG-13 for brief but sexually explicit opening sequence; bad language.World class rating: Ditto The American President.

Primary Colors Distributor: Universal. Director: Mike Nichols. Genre: Film à clef/Comedy? Presidential impersonator & co-stars: John Travolta, Emma Thompson. Bill Clinton as: The sensitive, happy wanderer (on the campaign trail). Highlights: "Shane ... Come back ... and run for President." Lowlights: Assorted sexual sins treated as casual amusements, including the candidate's many indiscretions. Can the children watch? Rated R for strong language and sexual references. World class rating: Brainless.

Richard III (1955) Distributor: London Film. Director: Laurence Olivier.Genre: Shakespearean Tragedy. Presidential impersonator & co-stars: Laurence Olivier, Claire Bloom, John Gielgud, Ralph Richardson, Cedric Hardwicke. Bill Clinton as: Insensitive king. Highlights: Powerful, clear interpretation; universal theme: does character of leaders matter? Lowlights: Multiple murders and seductions-sexual and political-handled discreetly and with cut aways and shadows. Can the children watch? Unrated; not likely to be understood by youngsters; astute observations of man's sinful nature. World class rating: Excellent.

Wag The Dog Distributor: New Line Cinema. Director: Barry Levinson. Genre: Political Satire. Presidential impersonator & co-starsBill Clinton as: Pervert. Highlights: Incredible staging of war to distract public from prez's misbehavior during reelection. Lowlights: Coarse language; jaded attitudes; corrupt CIA; cynicism. Can the children watch? Rated R for rude language; adult situations. World class rating: Suspicious.

Presidential Grand Jury Testimony Distributor: U.S. House of Representatives. Director: Kenneth Starr. Genre: National Tragedy. Presidential impersonator & co-stars: Bill Clinton; Off Screen: Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Kathleen Willey, Linda Tripp, Betty Currie, Vernon Jordan. Bill Clinton as: The artful dodger. Highlights: The roses in the background. Lowlights: "I am not going to answer your trick questions." Can the children watch? No! Sexually explicit passages; childish responses. World class rating: In progress.