A smartphone parent-teen contract

Many moms and dads are conflicted about giving their children smartphones. On the one hand, they are useful for keeping families in contact and also getting information. On the other hand, they can distract their holders from personal interaction and become vehicles for sexting and other evils. What’s a parent to do?

Recently Tim Theule—a pastor in San Luis Obispo, Calif.—and I discussed this problem (watch his sermon on social media), and he emailed a contract his 14-year-old son signed. Theule based his contract on one developed by author Janell Burley Hofmann. Here are some highlights:

Happy Birthday Zeke! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone … but with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. It is our job to raise you into a well-rounded, healthy young man who can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership. …

1. Although this is a gift, it is a gift that requires trust. … As your parents, we will limit your use of it as we see fit. Keep earning our trust.

2. We will always know the password and all app passwords. You must, for the foreseeable future, ask permission before downloading any and all apps.

3. … Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad.” Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 5 p.m. every night. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7 a.m. the next day. …

5. It is to be turned off and put away during regular school hours. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement cost or repairs. Mow the lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen. You should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with his or her parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. …

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that. …

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. …

13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. …

15. Listen to music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers who listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons. …

18. You will mess up. We will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and we are always learning. We are on your team. We are in this together.

Good advice. Parents who cannot afford smartphones for their kids, or those who can but consider them too dangerous, all deserve respect. Still, we need to take some limited risks in raising our children, and each parent needs to decide how far to go. Maybe this note to Zeke will help.