A meditation on mall parking lots

'Tis the day before Christmas and the high water mark of the Willow Grove Mall parking lot. Today, the fluvial overflow of the holiday tide almost justifies the irrational exuberance of mall designers, as parking spaces up to Easton Road that are never used all year are grabbed with gratitude.

There are many mysteries of mall parking lots, to be sure, such as why they are always the homes of seagulls, no matter how far from the sea. But today's curiosity is the sight of cars circling like vultures for the closer spots.

With due respect to the late Senator William Proxmire and his "Golden Fleece Awards," I think parking lot attitude should be the next government-funded study. If the National Science Foundation can fork out $84,000 in 1970s dollars to find out "why people fall in love," they can darn well look into why people pay to work out at the fitness center and then fight to park closest to Macy's door so as to avoid walking to the curb.

It now seems the most obvious of solutions to this ulcerous annual tension, but it came as an epiphany at the time, that I can bail out of the games altogether by just heading for the nosebleed section of the macadam right off the bat. What liberation. What Christmas savings on a Bally's membership.