A hard meeting

It was a hard meeting last night, on a number of levels. This is where it all breaks down, isn't it, this beautiful theory of Christianity? And that's the irony: We were gathered for a Bible study question writers' workshop. There was not a woman in the room who wasn't a believer. Is there any hope for the Church?

The commands to forgive, to be patient, to be slow to anger, to believe all things, to love the unity of the brethren, are wonderful until an actual occasion arises for them. Suddenly, you are all in your feelings, and there is no stronger force on earth. "For 23 years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now . . . well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!" says Auntie Em as she storms out the room.

No, no, Auntie Em, you're not getting off that easy. Just keeping your pent-up epithets under wraps in that pressure cooker heart of yours is not what the Lord had in mind. If you can't do better than that, then, like Jesus said, ". . . what credit is that to you? Even sinners . . ." (Luke 6:32-34).

The scary thing is how close I came to letting myself go with the rapids down the wide path that leads to destruction, as opposed to that narrow one that leads to life (Matthew 7:13). I was going to do an Auntie Em-be civil from now on but make up my mind that I don't like her. I would have honey-dipped it in righteousness; I would have reasoned to myself: You can't expect to get along with everybody, but you can still work with them. Practically a noble sentiment.

I attribute it to the Holy Spirit- and to the fact that I am fed up with living an inauthentic life-that I decided I had to call two women and apologize. Apologizing stinks because it gives the other person "hand"; I think that's why people don't do it more.

Just then a faith-filled friend phoned uncharacteristically early this morning, and I whined to him a while. He talked gently with me, about how we wouldn't really know who we were if we lived as hermits, and about how it is in relationships that God shows us things about ourselves that we wouldn't have seen about ourselves if we lived in a desert like Saint Jerome-things we need to work on and pray about.

He told me about jewelry-making class in his high school days, and how they heated up the silver and pewter, and how the heat brought the impurities to the surface, where they could remove them. He said that when we really understand and believe the love God has for us, then we can see all our experiences, including the unpleasant ones, as good things in our lives that God is using for our benefit.

Then he prayed with me, seeking God's grace and "binding" Satan's plot to destroy the unity of the sisters. It was an interesting application of Matthew 16:19, and it would never go over in my women's question writers group, so I don't think I'll bring it up.

And then I made two phone calls.

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