Davion Only finally gets a family

Davion Only, the Florida foster care youth who made national headlines in 2013 when he stood in front of a church and pleaded for someone to adopt him, finally had his dream come true. After 10,000 inquiries from across the world and a failed adoptive placement in 2014, the 17-year-old finalized his adoption Wednesday in St. Petersburg when Connie Going permanently traded her position as his long-time caseworker to become his mom.

Only was placed in foster care at birth and has bounced around the system his entire life. Going, a career adoption specialist, spent a decade trying to find an adoptive family for Only, but no one ever stepped forward. In 2012, at the age of 14, Only was an angry, lonely teen with little hope. A local ministry matched him with a mentor, Richard Prince, hoping a male role model could encourage and challenge him. Prince began meeting weekly with Only and discovered a clever, deeply spiritual boy beneath the tough façade.

“Before I go get him, I always ask God to give me the words to say to him and be a blessing to him,” Prince told me. “God always shows up.”

Only gained access to the internet in 2013 and searched for his biological mother. He discovered she had died a few weeks earlier. No one had bothered to tell him. With the fantasy of his mother returning to rescue him shattered, Only realized it was time to take his future into his own hands. He had just three years left before “aging out” of the system, when he would be on his own—alone.

With time running out, Going suggested Only speak at African-American churches in an attempt to find a family. Only agreed, and a video of his heart-felt plea at St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church in St. Petersburg, Fla., went viral in October 2013. Going appeared with Only on national television and announced Eckerd, the private child welfare agency responsible for Only’s care, had received more than 10,000 offers to adopt him. Five months later, Only moved in with a family in Ohio, but after only two months in the home, the family decided not to adopt him after all and returned him to Florida foster care.

Going questioned Eckerd’s handling of Only’s case after it went public. After working 25 years for the state, including nine with Eckerd, Going was fired in January 2014 due to “poor work performance.” But she believes her criticism of Only’s case was the root cause of her termination, noting she recently won two work performance awards: the congressional National Angels in Adoption Award and the Irene Sullivan Adoption Award, a state honor for those who exemplify advocacy for adoption. Eckerd refused to comment on the situation, citing privacy issues, the Tampa Bay Times reported.

After her termination, Going could no longer have official contact with Only, despite having been the only stable adult in his life since he was 7. Only had gone on many outings with Going and her three children over the years, and was best friends with her 14-year-old son Taylor, whom she adopted two years ago. The boys met in a residential facility when they were younger and then moved to a group home together. Going invited Only to her home often so the boys could continue their friendship.

“Foster children have so few connections and so much loss,” Going told me. “It’s important to try to maintain the [connections] they do have to encourage stability.”

In May 2014, Going found out Only’s placement in Ohio would not be permanent. She immediately sat her children down for a family meeting. Everyone agreed: It was time to adopt Only themselves. Going began praying and planning for what she needed to do to make it happen. She hired an adoption attorney, started the home study process, and began looking for a bigger house. But there was one problem: She had no way to contact Only directly.

“I was 95 percent sure that was what we were supposed to do,” Going said. “But I didn’t reach 100 percent until the day Davion called me.”

Two weeks after returning to Florida, Only got his own cell phone. After months of no contact, he called Going.

“Do you remember what I asked you before?” he said.

“Yes,” she answered with tear-filled eyes.

“Will you adopt me now?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” she promised.

Going worried her poor relationship with Eckerd might sabotage the plan, but Only again took matters into his own hands. He knew he had a legal right to advocate before the judge for what he wanted. At his next hearing, Only listened to the adults in the courtroom debate about what was best for his future. He suddenly stood up and made a shocking announcement: “I’m going with Miss Connie.” He went on to request immediate visitation rights and was granted permission to spend weekends with the family, Going said.

Only moved in permanently the second week of December. In February, Only turned 17 and spent his birthday hanging out at home with his family, eating cake, and opening presents. He also went to a movie with Going—who shares the same birthday.

“It sounds simple, but the things that are simple are the most significant when you never had them before,” Prince said.

Prince’s relationship with Only is now “more than a mentor.” Because Going is a single mother, Prince believes God put him in the teen’s life to be a permanent influence.

Going welcomes the help. Parenting older adoptees is an ongoing challenge. Helping her new son heal from 17 years of pain and trauma will take many years and will be packed with numerous ups and downs, Going acknowledged. Moving forward, Going said she will focus on being flexible in her expectations and continue to seek God’s wisdom.

“Truly it’s the ultimate walk in faith, because adoption can be scary,” she said. “How can I do this? No book gives you [the answers]. … But God meant for these children to be with me—both biological and adopted. So I don't have to stress and worry. I know it’s going to be okay.”

A judge officially changed Only’s name to Davion Only-Going on Wednesday, causing the more than 50 well-wishers who attended the hearing to erupt in applause.

“You’re a very special person in this world,” Going told the teen in front of the packed courtroom. “Thank you for letting me be your mom. I’m just honored.”