What not to watch

MYRNA BROWN, HOST: Today is Friday, February 10th. Thank you for turning to WORLD Radio to help start your day.

Good morning. I’m Myrna Brown.

NICK EICHER, HOST: And I’m Nick Eicher. Coming next on The World and Everything in It: what’s playing at the theater.

So far, James Cameron’s Avatar: The Way of Water has grossed more than $2 billion worldwide, and it spent seven straight weeks at the top of the domestic box office.

BROWN: But last weekend, two newcomers dethroned the Avatar sequel, taking the No. 1 and No. 2 spots. Here’s Collin Garbarino with a run down.

COLLIN GARBARINO: It’s no surprise Avatar: The Way of Water held the top spot at the box office for almost two months. Studios tend to release their worst movies during the lull between the holiday season and Valentine’s Day. But last weekend a couple of new movies with some niche appeal found an audience. I wasn’t terribly impressed with either.

M. Night Shyamalan’s Knock at the Cabin asks the audience whether they’d sacrifice a loved one to save the rest of the world.

LEONARD: You have to understand that we cannot and will not choose who is to be sacrificed for you.

The movie is about a homosexual couple and their adopted daughter who are held hostage by the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They’re told they must choose to kill a family member or the world will end.

ANDREW: We’re not choosing anyone. We’re not sacrificing anyone. Not now. Not ever.

Maybe that’s an interesting thought experiment, but it doesn’t make for an interesting movie. And the only reason to use a gay couple seems to be to keep the audience guessing about which man will die in the end. If the family were a husband and wife, we’d expect the husband to die for his wife, his daughter, and the entire world. Give this one a pass.

LOU: Game’s about to start!

MAURA: Oh, there’s Tom!

LOU: Oh, what a beautiful man.

TRISH: I like Gronkowski!

The other movie getting some traction is 80 for Brady, a movie about elderly ladies who love Tom Brady.

The movie features four Hollywood icons from yesteryear, and it seems designed to lure older audiences back to theaters. Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno, and Sally Field star in this girls-trip-meets-sports movie.

MAURA: The Super Bowl is no place for four old women.

LOU: This could be Tom’s last one. He’s almost 40. That’s like 80 in people years.

TRISH: We’re 80 in people years!

Tomlin’s character realizes they’re not getting any younger, so she hatches a plan to go to the Super Bowl.

LOU: OK, look.

MAURA: Ooh, ooh, ooh. I love presents.

LOU: Whoo!

BETTY: My gosh! What is happening?

LOU: I wanted it to be a surprise. But all they had were gender reveal boxes.

MAURA: Who’s having a baby?

LOU: No one! It’s not a gender reveal. It’s just a reveal!

BETTY: Of what?

LOU: We won the tickets! We’re going to the Super Bowl!

The foursome travel to Houston to watch Tom Brady’s Patriots play the Atlanta Falcons in the 2017 Super Bowl. But the road to victory isn’t without speed bumps.

Honestly, these aging stars deserve a much better script than this one. Instead of offering a cohesive narrative, the film consists of episodic high jinks without any real payoff.

CONTEST ORGANIZER: This is a spicy wings contest.

GUY FIERI: Bring the pain!

BETTY: I could use a little spice.

MAURA: I know her!

CONTEST ORGANIZER: If you black out, who do you want me to call?

BETTY: An ambulance?

The gang gets into trouble, gets out of trouble easily, and then gets into trouble again—repeat six or seven times. The film has some amusing bits, but the writing is pretty lazy. Character development follows tired cliches with each elderly lady on this trip of a lifetime learning what it means to live again.

GUARD: Let’s go, Golden Girls. Come with me.

MAURA: Let’s make a run.

GUARD: Hey, wha— Nope, no, come on, now.

There’s some fun here, but by the end of its 98 minutes, 80 for Brady feels like a vanity project for Tom Brady, whose production company made the film. These legends bring their A-game, but the script fumbles the ball.

ALL: Tom… Brady!

So what’s new at the box office this weekend?

JACK: I’m the king of the world!

That’s right, vintage James Cameron returns to theaters. Today Cameron’s Titanic makes its way back to theaters to celebrate its 25th anniversary. Titanic held the record for highest grossing movie for over a decade until it got bumped by Cameron’s Avatar in 2010.

Even though the movie is a technical triumph, I never cared for Titanic. It’s overly long, and I think the story is sappy. I recognize I’m in the minority on this one. But if you’re thinking about sharing the Titanic experience with your kids, don’t forget the film contains that one nude scene—something that would never fly in a PG-13 movie today.

MUSIC: [Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On]

I’m Collin Garbarino.

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