Romance on pause

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NICK EICHER, HOST: Up next: Are Gen Zers dating less?

Last month, the Institute for Family Studies released the results of a survey about dating. They interviewed more than 5,000 young adults and found that most had either not been on a date in the past year, or had only gone on just a couple of them.

Researchers say this may mean a future with fewer marriages.

WORLD’s Juliana Chan Erikson has the story.

JULIANA CHAN ERIKSON: Wish Shao is a 22 year old graduate student who wants to get married and have kids one day. She says that makes her an outlier among her peers.

WISH SHAO: When I brought it up to my cohorts, like, "Oh, you know what? I want to be a mom one day. I really don't mind becoming a housewife. I think it's a very honorable job." They all just stared at me, like, "What? How can a PhD student say that?"

But Shao says it’s hard to find someone to date, even in her college town.

SHAO: It seems like people don't want to try. They want to put in, like, minimal effort to give it a shot.

A survey by the Institute for Family Studies seems to echo Shao’s observations. The Institute surveyed 5,275 young adults between the ages of 22 and 35 about their dating habits. It found that 74 percent of women and 64 percent of men had never been on a date or only dated sporadically in the past year.

Some say Gen Z is putting off dating because Americans are putting off marriage. According to U.S. census data, the average American woman is 28 at her first marriage. Men are nearly 31. Fifty years ago, women were 21 and men 25 at their first wedding.

Experts say older Americans likely felt pressure to stay on the same life track as their peers when it came to dating and marriage.

Lisa Anderson is director of young adults for Focus on the Family.

LISA ANDERSON: So, you saw this play out in churches where if you weren't finishing college and going into the young marrieds group, there wasn't really anywhere for you to go.

But Gen Z, not so much. Anderson says that without the pressure to marry, young adults are left with lots of options, but no clear direction.

ANDERSON: Dating can be fun, but to what end? So without having, like, a story arc around dating and where's this actually going, it just leaves a lot of young adults saying, "Eh, you know, I could take it or leave it, or maybe it'll hit me."

Young adults also admitted they don’t have dating skills. Only 36 percent of respondents said they felt confident reading social cues. Forty five percent also said they’ve passed up dates after too many bad experiences.

Josiah Dolan is a 22 year old college student in Colorado Springs. He told WORLD that guys get conflicting signals about how a "modern man" should behave. That makes it hard to ask a woman out.

JOSIAH DOLAN: We don't want to make the wrong move, we don't want to upset anybody, and I think that sort of resilience, that confidence, and that outgoingness of what a male should be in a relationship, kind of definitely takes a hit in that regard. 

Meanwhile, Shao says young women like her often set their sights too high.

SHAO: All my friends, they are very pretty girls and highly achieved. Including myself, we have kind of like high expectations that we don't really see day to day around us.

Several young adults blamed dating apps for taking the joy out of the process. Reports vary, but anywhere from a quarter to a half of young adults use dating apps. But usage is declining among Gen Z.

ASHLEIGH BISHOP: I mean, dating fatigue is definitely something that's on, on the minds and the forefronts of many people within the dating sector.

Ashleigh Bishop is with the Online Dating and Discovery Association. She admitted that users complained about spending more time swiping than actually going on dates. But she says companies are already coming up with solutions.

BISHOP: Apps that are introducing AI, almost like Wingman, you know, they're coming in, their partners, they're helping you have better conversations. Not to replace you, but to say, maybe to give you prompts or ways to have or start a conversation if you're not quite sure. 

Some dating app users say they’re skeptical. Marco Gonzalez is a 25 year old engineer in Milwaukee. He uses Hinge, a popular dating app.

MARCO GONZALEZ: Like if you went on a date with somebody, like, on the date, for example, you're not gonna like, whip out your phone and be like,"Hey, Wingman. Like, what do I say next?"

Still, that hasn’t stopped him from using the dating platform. That’s actually how he found the woman he’s currently seeing.

GONZALEZ: I actually met her through Hinge, believe it or not, which is, I think it's funny that all my attempts in person did not work, but somehow the Hinge one is working pretty well.

I asked Gonzalez what his expectations are, and he said he’s aiming high.

GONZALEZ: Yes, that is my hope. That is my hope, to be married.

Researchers from the Institute for Family Studies say some people just need help learning how to date. They encourage young adults to get training, like through dating boot camps and counseling. 

They also say it’s good to remind everyone about what Gonzalez already knows: the whole point of dating is to find someone to marry.

Reporting for WORLD, I’m Juliana Chan Erikson.

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