Mourning without bitterness

NICK EICHER, HOST: Today is Tuesday, June 1st. Thank you for turning to WORLD Radio to help start your day.

Good morning. I’m Nick Eicher.

MARY REICHARD, HOST: And I’m Mary Reichard.

During World War I, many military families flew service flags on their homes. A blue star represented active-duty soldiers, sailors, or airmen from each family.

If the family lost a loved one in the war, a gold star replaced the blue one.

EICHER: Yesterday, many Americans gathered at grave sites and monuments to remember fallen service men and women. Among them were Gold Star families who are committed to helping others get through the grief of losing a loved one in war.

2021 World Journalism Institute graduate Lillian Hamman visited one Gold Star Mom and brings her story.

LEUSINK: You can remember every aspect of that day. You are told that if they're injured, you'll get a phone call. If they show up at your door, they're killed.

LILLIAN HAMMAN, CORRESPONDENT: It’s been 15 years since two Marines knocked on Elaine Leusink’s door with news every military family dreads.

LEUSINK: And then they read you this official notice. And your brain just goes to please let them have the wrong house, let them have made a mistake.

Eventually she’d receive a keepsake she hadn’t sought - but that has become a treasured possession: an American flag, folded in honor of her son, killed in Iraq a week before Memorial Day 2006. On Memorial Day 2021, the pain of loss remains.

LEUSINK: It still hurts, and it always will. And when it's one of your children, it's supposed to, it's not just supposed to go away, and it won't.

William Leusink—his friends call him B.Jay. He was a junior at Sioux Center High on 9-11 two decades ago. B.Jay reacted to the terror attack on his country with a sense of calling to be a protector. His mother recalls those early conversations.

LEUSINK: He came home that night. And he said to me, “Mom, I just really want to help.” And my answer was, “of course you do, you're going to go to college, become an upstanding citizen, and you're going to be able to help the world that way.” And he kind of let it rest at that point. And then it was the next summer. He called me at work and said, “Hey, Mom, we've got someone coming to talk to us tonight.” I was like, “talk to us.” Well, it was a marine recruiter.

Then things happened fast. He took early enlistment. He graduated high school. He trained. He got married. Just two weeks after taking his first post at a Marine Corps base in Hawaii, he deployed to Afghanistan.

LEUSINK: And after he got back from Afghanistan, and was home for those seven months, that is when he got his orders for Iraq. And he actually had his choice of duties, and he chose to go to Iraq.

Elaine Leusink says her son understood the importance of hearts and minds in war. BJay asked his family to keep him stocked with hard candy to keep in his pockets. When he encountered children he tried to demonstrate goodwill.

LEUSINK: And he said, “if we can get these kids to understand we're not the bad guys. That's the next generation. And he said if me giving them candy is going to do it. I need you to send me candy mom. And I was like: “Got it! I’ll send you candy.”

But it’s war. B.Jay served as a radioman. To his fellow Marines, the heart of the squad. To the enemy, a prime target. It was May of 2006 Iraqi fighters had hidden an IED—improvised explosive device. It triggered and mortally wounded 21-year-old B.Jay. On May 22nd, he died from his injuries.

LEUSINK: You know, God knew what he was doing. He was even on the battlefield. And he was with him the whole time. And we're aware of that. And we hear stories and we hear things and we hear other military boys that he was touching. And, and it, it's all part of it. It's all part of that plan.

The journey now is to bear this searing hole in the Leusink family and it has required depending solely on faith in God and in His plan.

LEUSINK: We can't fathom going through this walk without God in the picture. And, and it helps us at least know your children are a gift from God. And when he says it's time for them to come home, it's time for them to go home. And so we don't live our lives bitterly. BJ wouldn't want that he would want us to enjoy this life. And that's what he believed in. And that's why he did what he did.

Elaine Leusink has since become a member of National Gold Star Mothers. Sharing the story of her son and supporting veterans allows her to continue healing. And at the same time, she’s a voice for the mothers of soldiers who never made it home.

LEUSINK: And so we will do our duty, just like he did his duty. And so a part of that is doing interviews and making sure people understand. Your life gets to be normal, ours never will be again. And that's okay. There's a lot of sacrifices made.

Around this Memorial Day, Elaine Leusink remembers feeling God’s presence in the warm sunshine and blue sky during the first days after B.Jay’s death. She can feel God with her now as she continues serving others, as her son would want.

LEUSINK: He would want people to know that we're okay. We are okay. And there's a lot of families out there that are still struggling and still hurting and are just starting their journey. And for us to be an example of you do survive. It's different and you need to move forward. And they would want you to because that's our job.

Reporting for WORLD, I’m Lillian Hamman in Sioux Center, Iowa.

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