Honor in the midst of grief

PAUL BUTLER, HOST: Today is Thursday, July 27th. Thank you for turning to WORLD Radio to help start your day. Good morning. I’m Paul Butler.

MYRNA BROWN, HOST: And I’m Myrna Brown. Coming next on The World and Everything in It: Giving honor to grief.

Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C. is the most well known of our national cemeteries. The first burial at Arlington happened in 1864, and today it’s the final resting place for over four hundred fifty-thousand veterans and their dependents.

BUTLER: Chaplains at Arlington honor not only those who’ve served, but their families who grieve. WORLD Associate Correspondent Jeff Palomino has our story.

AUDIO: [Sound of drums/marching]

JEFF PALOMINO, REPORTER: Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Donald William Mansfield died two years ago at age 93. Today, his daughter Virginia Mansfield-Richardson attends his funeral at Arlington National Cemetery.

MANSFIELD-RICHARDSON: My dad was a wonderful person. And he had a very distinguished military career. He dropped the last bomb in the Korean War, and he was hand selected. Truman said pick the very best pilot you have. And they picked my dad.

This morning, the 68 year old Mansfield-Richardson stands with eight family members and friends at the end of a long road in the southeast section of the cemetery. White tombstones surround them.

AUDIO: ["Forward Harch," guns shifting, marching continues]

Fifty members of the Air Force march past. At the end is United States Air Force Reserve Chaplain Captain Andy Lloyd. He’s there to give honor, but also something else.

AUDIO: [Sound of marching and directions from the military lead]

LLOYD: Chaplain ministry at Arlington is unlike any ministry I have ever done. When you have the opportunity to interact with families, specifically here at Arlington, it's not always on their best day. You have to quickly learn where they are emotionally, and help them navigate a place that's very overwhelming. And then to represent faith, to represent the divine and to offer solace to them, comfort to them, hope to them, and appropriately represent the service and sacrifice of their loved one.

AUDIO: [Loud military commands]

Technical Sergeant Kristen Bishop is part of Chaplain Lloyd’s team today.

BISHOP: My official career field is five Romeo. So I am Religious Affairs airman.

This morning, Tech Sergeant Bishop escorts a third member of the team, an “Arlington Lady.”

BISHOP: We have a group of volunteers known as the Arlington committee, majority women. They're volunteers and they are here on behalf of the Chief of Staff of the Air Force.

The Committee started with an idea from the wife of the second Air Force Chief of Staff. One day she walked through the cemetery and saw a veteran’s funeral with no one there.

BISHOP: And it absolutely broke her heart. She decided right then and there. No veteran will ever, ever be buried alone if we can do something about it.

AUDIO: [Loud military command, band begins to play]

Chaplain Lloyd escorts Mansfield-Richardson and her family to seats under the small green tent. He takes his spot at the front and the service begins.

Chaplain Lloyd was a civilian pastor for 14 years before coming into the Reserves in 2018. But Arlington requires a different mindset.

LLOYD: I'm not called to be the pastor of every person that I get to interact with here at Arlington, I don't have the longevity of a relationship of a pastoral relationship, I get the opportunity to be pastoral in a moment, and to reflect to them the peace that we as people of faith believe we have access to in Scripture.

After Chaplain Lloyd’s remarks, a rifle party fires a three gun volley.

AUDIO: [Gunfire]

The band plays taps, and then another hymn.

AUDIO: [Song from the Air Force Band]

Two members of the Honor Guard now move to the front of the tent to fold the flag. Chaplain Lloyd salutes the flag and takes it. He moves a few steps forward, and kneels before Mansfield-Richardson.

LLOYD: Personally, the most touching and memorable thing that I get to do here is to present the flag to the next of kin.

He puts his hand on her arm and Mansfield-Richardson begins to sob.

Chaplain Lloyd and his team encounter this kind of grief every day. How do they handle it? Tech Sergeant Bishop explains.

BISHOP: And I honestly almost imagine us in the military uniforms surrounding them as a wall. And not to block anything but just to… you get to have this moment. Like here, let me shield you for a second. And here with your friends with whatever with your loved one. In this space. You get to have as many breakdowns as you want. Because it's not going to affect me. I got you. You cry as hard as you want without any guilt without any any pressure. Don't worry about the pictures being pretty. Have your meltdown because you need it. And it makes it easier. Actually, the more I feel that way, the easier it is.

AUDIO: ["Forward, Forward Harch" and drums]

The graveside service is over now, and Chaplain Lloyd escorts Mansfield-Richardson and her family across the street to an area set aside for her father’s remains.

LLOYD: And that's how we conclude the service. We offer our condolences and we end with a benediction. And then just very mystically and ceremoniously walk off.

Chaplain Lloyd has been at Arlington almost a year. He’s done almost 300 funerals in that time. But, while he’s interacted with 300 families, each of those families interacts with him only once. He has one goal in mind.

LLOYD: If I can provide a moment that reflects a little bit of hope, and steadiness and solace and grace in the midst of grief, then that's my prayer every morning. If they can leave with a little hope in their heart then my prayers are answered.

As Mansfield-Richardson leaves the cemetery she’ll take the folded flag and the shell casings from the rifle salute. She hasn’t done much with her father’s room since he died, so she’ll put everything there. She’ll also take something else.

MANSFIELD-RICHARDSON: It's hard to put into words, how significant that certainly was, to me and to everybody else who was there. But I can tell you, it's something. It changed my life. You hold it in your heart. It was a spiritual experience for me. And I love thinking about it. And it touched, it touched me.

Reporting for WORLD, I’m Jeff Palomino at Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C.

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