From pain to purpose

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NICK EICHER, HOST: Today is Wednesday, May 28th.

Thank you for turning to WORLD Radio to help start your day.

Good morning. I’m Nick Eicher.

LINDSAY MAST, HOST: And I’m Lindsay Mast.

Coming next on The World and Everything in It: the importance of role models.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more than 250,000 children live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. For boys especially, that absence can leave a lasting void, one aggravated by a culture that’s told them that their masculinity is toxic.

EICHER: What does it mean to be a good man? A good husband? A good father? WORLD’s Caleb Bailey met a young man who found the answer with the steady presence of three ordinary men who stepped up. Here’s his story.

THOMPSON: You wanna grab your end I’ll grab my end first. I'm gonna pull your end off first.

CALEB BAILEY: The last freeze of early spring has burned off, which means it’s time for Nick Thompson to get to work on his farm. His first task? Upgrade a newly purchased 10 ton truck with a 16 foot bed.

Thompson lives on a 60 acre farm in Upstate South Carolina with his wife and three kids.

THOMPSON: Farming is hard work, but it's rewarding work. I love working in God's creation. I am the happiest when I work outside.

As he spray paints his new truck his life appears idyllic. There’s plenty of land to work and a goal to eventually live off of it. There isn’t much more that he wants. But years ago, his life looked much different. During his childhood, Thompson lacked basic needs. Relational needs.

THOMPSON: My dad was not very active in our lives at all. My father was ... emotionally and spiritually absent from his kids.

Thompson’s dad neglected the kids, but he wasn’t physically abusive. His mom, though, was a different story.

THOMPSON: I remember when I was probably 5 or 6 years old, I got poison ivy. I very allergic to poison ivy. Instead of getting medical attention I got straightjacketed in sheets and blankets and tied up with belts on the basement floor.

She eventually abandoned her family.

THOMPSON: She's somewhere probably in Georgia, Alabama. I've not spoken to her since she left my dad.

Instead of feeling safe and secure, Thompson felt fearful and ignored for most of his childhood.

Without the stability of a two-parent household, studies show boys tend to struggle in school, and then later in their careers. Many also take years to get married and some don’t get married at all. In the worst cases, the boys turn to substance abuse and criminal activity.

But Nick Thompson found refuge in one of the few places left with structure and guidance, the church he grew up in.

THOMPSON: So I guess saying all that is, you I didn't have the best dad at all. But you know, sometimes God can use that kind of stuff to...to our benefit.

While his parents' attendance petered out, Thompson kept going back. And it was there that he eventually found role models. Not just one but three.

When Thompson was twelve years old he started going to the church property with a Marine veteran, Carter McFarland. There, the two cared for the 10 acres, mowing, weeding, planting flowers. Before long McFarland began inviting Thompson to learn some of his favorite hobbies.

THOMPSON: He took me squirrel hunting. He taught me how to work on tractors and vehicles. He just kind of ignited that love in me, you know?

Another older church member named Tom Trice taught him how to drive a car, when Thompson’s own parents refused to.

When Trice decided to build a house, he included Thompson in each step of the process.

THOMPSON: And we went and got all the lumber and cut it all and framed studded walls and hung drywall. Partially installed a bathroom.

These skills came in handy years later as Thompson became a handyman, using the very skills Trice taught him.

Trice was old enough to be Thompson’s dad or even grandfather, but the two were more like best friends. They planned to take a trip across the country to see the Grand Canyon, but their earthly friendship was cut short.

In 2020, Tom Trice died.

THOMPSON: That was harder for me than when my dad died.

Thompson misses the projects. The driving. But most of all, he misses their conversations.

THOMPSON: Unconditional love and conversations that, you know, normal boys would have with their father.

Towards the end of Tom’s life, one of his sons, Warren picked up where his dad left off. At 38-years old, he was much closer to Thompson in age, but ended up becoming a friend and mentor too.

Thompson lived with the Trice’s for a couple of years when he was in his early 20s.

There, Thompson saw firsthand the value of being a father and a husband. A servant leader. One night sticks out in his memory.

THOMPSON: His wife had had a rough day with the kids. It had just been a tough day.

Trice noticed his wife’s demeanor, walked upstairs, drew a bath and encouraged her to spend an hour or two relaxing while he fed the kids dinner. Thompson knew the dad had a long day too, but that didn’t stop him.

THOMPSON: I’d never seen someone love their wife like that. I cried myself to sleep that night. I was like 20 years old.

Warren, specifically, showed Thompson that marriage and raising children are not burdens, but joyful.

THOMPSON: We talk about brothers and sisters in the church a lot, ‘brothers and sisters in Christ’ whatever. You forget there are mothers and fathers too, you know.

Thompson wanted to help others like him and follow the example of the men in his life, so he volunteered with an inner-city ministry. But the spiritual fathers in his life also helped him reexamine how he views ministry and the home. He understands how much the young people in his own family need him, as well.

THOMPSON: So I'm not somewhere every Friday night, I'm not somewhere every Saturday working for an inner city ministry with somebody else's troubled kids, I'm working with my own kids. And I'm trying to create a life for my kids that is different from the world, I guess.

Thompson has a regular job Monday through Thursday, leaving the three day weekend to tend to the farm. He hopes, one day, to live off the farm and provide food there for his family. It will also give him a chance to be something his own dad was not. A present father and husband.

THOMPSON: Hey babe, we're probably gonna walk down to the river. Do you want to keep them up here with you and then when I get back I'll spend some time with the kids?

Reporting for WORLD, I’m Caleb Bailey in Greenville, South Carolina.

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