From grief to grace

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MARY REICHARD, HOST: Today is Tuesday, June 17th.

Thank you for turning to WORLD Radio to help start your day.

Good morning. I’m Mary Reichard.

NICK EICHER, HOST: And I’m Nick Eicher.

Coming next on The World and Everything in It: healing from grief.

Yesterday, we told you the story of the life and death of Adam Brown. He was a highly respected member of SEAL Team Six killed at the height of his career. Today, we take you to Adam’s home town to hear more of what happened next.

Here’s WORLD correspondent Caleb Welde in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

SEAL 1: He was different

CALEB WELDE: When Adam was killed in Afghanistan … his teammates really struggled.

SEAL 1: He was a man of God.

SEAL 1: He made you wonder why he was like that.

Audio from the Sean Ryan Show.

SEAL 4: And so when he died a lot of us had a lot of problems with that.

SEAL 1: Why him?

Larry Brown—Adam’s dad—was reading his Bible when four SEALs in dress blues knocked on his door at 6AM. He remembers thinking “God, you got this wrong.” Adam’s mom couldn’t pray for six months.

JANICE: I don't think I was really mad at God, but I was disappointed. I was kind of like, God I prayed, you know, you know, and Adam loved you.

Janice also loved God and made it a point to tell Him that, every day of those six months. Larry says early on:

LARRY: God said, you know, and he reminded me that two times in the Bible where Jesus wept, and he said, you know, Larry right now I'm weeping again, but I'm not weeping for Adam. I'm weeping for you. And … I said OK.

They say they’ve learned to give grace to people trying to say the right thing. Of all the cards they got, the one that meant the most was from a friend who wrote, “No words, just tears.”

JANICE: I had to come to a point where, you know, God, you know everything, and you have a reason for everything, and I'm just going to rely on that.

That wasn’t the first time the Browns had to trust God with Adam. They still regularly return to their old home. The home they had to ban Adam from when they caught him stealing from them again. The home where they gave up chasing their drug addicted son. Janice was standing in the kitchen when she surrendered Adam to God and asked Jesus if He would be Lord of her life. It’s also the home, where they rejoiced when Adam surrendered his life to Christ and gained, in Adam’s words, “true confidence” – not in himself– but in the One who lived in him.

WELDE: So is this the farm?

BROWN: This is it, Yeah.

WELDE: This is beautiful!

The farm is now a retreat for grieving parents. The idea came when they met the Sullivans at church. Brad and Jill lost their daughter Hannah to brain cancer when she was just seventeen. The Browns and the Sullivans bonded instantly. They wondered, could they connect other parents who had lost children? They call the ministry “While We’re Waiting.”

There’s shaded pastures, fountains, a walking path, a fire pit, a garden, and a secluded patio overlooking the back acreage.

JANICE: People like to come out here and read their bibles. LARRY: In the mornings the sun, when it's just coming up, and they know it's just, whoo! Lord, thank you!

The weekend retreats accommodate ten couples for three days. Room and board are 100% free. Here’s Brad.

BRAD: When they come in, you can see the heaviness in their walk in the door, tears in their eyes, just they're hurting.

Couples or single parents bring a picture of their child.

LARRY: And we'll set the pictures on the cabinet in here.

Janice insists on a casual vibe in the living room. Jeans, a tee shirt, take your shoes off.

LARRY: And then we just start telling the stories about, how about our child, what you know, what we've learned, what God's taught us, we just let them share.

Scripture and hymns line the walls.

BRAD: In Christ alone. My hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song, my comforter…

The Browns and Sullivans say they don’t want to be obnoxious, but they can’t hide why they have hope.

BRAD: We share the gospel after Janice, and we make a point, if you don't know where you going to spend eternity, don't leave here.

Standing outside, in the memorial garden, Brad insists grieving people need to remember that they are in a battle.

BRAD: The enemy, the devil, wants to say, Brad, it was your fault that you could have done something different. Or Larry, if you'd have, you know, you know, the devil will lie to you.

Janice counsels families that they can have grief and joy at the same time.

JILL: Exactly. And when you're early on after the loss of a child, you can't see that, you can't imagine that there could be life after this.

They talk about how it helps to pair up a newly grieving couple with a couple further down the path:

JANICE: When you help someone else, it helps you. And so when we're here and and we sit and talk to a parent or or grieve with them, let them share in some way that helps us.

BRAD: People will say to us, our friends and people don't understand us, how do you do that every weekend? And then we would say to them, how do we not do it?

The Browns understand first hand that healing doesn’t come from people trying to say the right thing or trying to fix it. It’s about grace, and space to mourn with those who mourn.

When the Browns and Sullivans started “While We’re Waiting” ten years ago, they started small but word spread quickly:

BRAD: Initially we're going to do two retreats a year. We had five this weekend around the country.

They’ve done retreats in more than forty places across the country, helping at least three thousand parents.

BRAD: We had someone come to retreat this weekend and come to Christ, and we go, wow, God, you did it again! There's people in heaven today because of Adam's story and because of Hannah's story, and there's people encouraged in Christ because we get to share the hope of the gospel. You. And that's what is a blessing to us as we look back and we say, How can we be mad?

For WORLD, I’m Caleb Welde in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

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