Candice Watters: The messy beauty of letting kids learn

MARY REICHARD, HOST: Before we go today, a special Monday commentary. This week will be full of last minute preparations as families host celebrations at home and church. WORLD Opinions contributor Candice Watters encourages parents to keep our eyes and hearts open for ways to involve your children.

CANDICE WATTERS: It was 30 minutes til our small group would descend on our just cleaned and decorated family room for a Christmas party. With only the punch to make; table to set; and brownies to bake, cool and cut, I was feeling fairly optimistic about being able to get the final details in place before the first ring of the doorbell. Then those infamous words filled my ears: “Mommy…can I help?”

Not one, not two, but all four of our kids, ranging in ages 5 to 13, wanted to make the punch. I know how this ends. You probably do too. I’ve been heard in moments of exasperation to announce loudly in the midst of a crazy kitchen, “It’s not helping if you make my work harder! Help is supposed to make things easier for me!”

Still, I was inclined to let them. How much damage could they do pouring bottles of cranberry juice, Sprite, and pineapple juice into the oversized golden bowl? But our 11-year-old daughter wasn’t so sure. She protested: “Mom! He might make a mess!”, staring at her younger brother. I replied: “That's true,” “And so did you! But I let you do it–you made messes–and that’s why you’re a help to me now.”

My Mom used to ask my Dad to take me and my younger siblings with him on a last minute errand to the grocery store when we were expecting company. “I can stay and help!” I’d insist. But she knew what would help her most–being alone to focus on the work without distraction or interruption. All these years later, I understand why she said no. It is easier to be left alone with a quiet house to finish the meatballs and hummus, light the candles, and pour the punch. We both had to learn what all moms have to: it’s worth the mess and inconvenience of letting kids help because that’s how they learn.

Even today I repress the occasional urge to ban our kids from the kitchen in the countdown to company arriving. But now that some of them are the company I’m preparing for, I’m glad for all the times I said yes.

What about you? Do you do it yourself, or let your kids help? That’s a daily dilemma for busy moms whose kids long to jump in with unskilled hands and clumsy feet. It's rarely, if ever, efficient to say yes. It’s so much easier to just do it yourself … the right way. Or at least the way you prefer it. But if you always choose what’s most efficient, you may miss out on vital windows of instruction. Kids need to learn. And we need to teach them.

Making punch may not rise to the level of “training our children in the instruction of the Lord” as Ephesians 6 requires, but how we respond to their offers of help, and the messes they make in their eagerness to jump in, does. Every moment in the kitchen is teachable because our children are always watching. What do they see? A mom who’s patient and loving when the cranberry juice splashes over the side of the bowl? A Dad who’s calm when they drop the tray of cookies? Parenting is nothing if not sanctifying.

After our kids finished making the punch, I sent them to the family room to watch for our company while I cleaned up the inevitable spills made, ironically, by the 11-year-old. It was then that I heard the Lord whisper to me, “I’m letting you help me.”

The thought struck me hard. “With these children, I’m letting you help. I could have made new people without you. I could have formed them and raised them to adulthood some other way. But I chose to use you to help me with these precious children.” Tears filled my eyes. I’ve made a lot of messes learning how to raise our kids, with my own unskilled hands and clumsy feet. All along God has been teaching me as I teach them. And the more I’ve leaned into the work of it–the messes, the frustrations, the setbacks, and the joys–the more He’s changed me. This is by His design.

When your kids ask you to let them help, err on the side of saying yes. When you do, you’ll be growing to be more like your Father…oh, and you might want to keep some extra paper towels nearby.

I’m Candice Watters.

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