Candice Watters: Parental stress

MARY REICHARD, HOST: Today is Tuesday, September 10th. Good morning! This is The World and Everything in It from listener-supported WORLD Radio. I’m Mary Reichard.

NICK EICHER, HOST: And I’m Nick Eicher. World Opinions Contributor Candice Watters now on an unusual public health advisory.

CANDICE WATTERS: In recent weeks, a flurry of headlines announced that parenting may be harmful to your mental health. That argument came from none other than U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, who issued a public health advisory. NPR reported it’s “a significant public health issue.” The Wall Street Journal noted: “Parenting is hazardous to your health.” This follows months of reports about falling birth rates worldwide. Now we can add to fears that we’re not having enough babies the possibility that those who do venture into parenthood may suffer from mental illness. Either we go extinct or we go mad trying not to.

The fine print of Murthy’s advisory clarifies that his concern is parenting stress that leads to “mental challenges,” defined as not “necessarily meeting the criteria for a diagnosable mental health condition.” But this nuance is lost in the news stories. Instead, reporters and columnists call on the government to step up spending on programs to address the crisis.

Why is this news? Parenting has always been hard.

When my husband and I drove away from the hospital with our firstborn more than two decades ago, we were scared and overwhelmed. Our doctor assured us that we wouldn’t break our baby, but we weren’t so sure. “How could the nurses let us leave without an owner’s manual?” we asked each other. You bet it was stressful!

But we never thought to ask the government to help us.

Alleviating parental stress happens best close to home, with the support of family members, neighbors, and especially your church. At my lowest point, I called a seasoned mom I knew. She offered encouragement: “You’re emotional, but that’s normal.” “You will sleep again.” “Let me hold the baby so you can take a nap.” She spoke truths from Scripture and prayed with me. She helped me press on.

The real story here isn’t that parenting is hard but that our culture is preoccupied with feeling “mentally well,” all the while becoming more cut off from the very people who increase mental well-being. It’s delusional to think the government can solve problems caused by frayed human relationships by creating more dependence on the government.

Christians need to remember that God designed parenthood to drive people to Him. It’s one of His primary means of sanctification. And it reveals a level of weakness and need that may make unbelievers more open than ever to the gospel. God’s purpose for hardship isn’t to send parents to Uncle Sam for early childhood education programs or tax credits but to call them to Himself.

True help for the bone-wearying work of parenting comes from older parents teaching younger parents what they learned from the generation before them: mother to daughter, uncle to nephew, neighbor to neighbor. Common grace takes the form of new fathers and mothers receiving help and learning from those who’ve done it before. Even more remarkable is the special grace that flows when weak, exhausted parents realize that they’re sinners in need of salvation and the grace God provides.

Now that I’m the older mom, I look for opportunities to encourage young moms around me as they embark on motherhood. I tell them it will be the hardest, most rewarding work they’ll ever do. And I encourage them to ask for help along the way. The stress is real, the challenges are hard, and God’s grace is sufficient. Older parents, this is rich territory for evangelism and sanctification. Let’s not squander it.

I’m Candice Watters.

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